11.05.2026
‘The reason,’ said Alfonso in his engagingly lazy and erudite drawl, ‘that you write so much is because you are supremely conceited. You really feel as though you are the cleverest and most important person in the room. In any room.’
‘And what is wrong with that?’ I growled at him. After all, it was true. I was more intelligent than everyone else. It was just an intelligence that they did not want. Because it went against their agenda of stupidity and racism.
‘In reality, who they want to hear talk are the mindless.’
Was it not true? What sold the most in this society? The endless drivel that the celebrities came out with, those were the top selling books. And the areas that they neglected were all of the interesting areas, science, literary studies, art historical scholarship. They would rather listen to the imbecilic Farage or Trump than someone that could actually talk some sense. Their sensibilities were for hate. For the puerile. For unjust wars.
‘The conceit of the writer is what allows him to write.’
‘You cannot worship the ego as a writer,’ said Alfonso. ‘Learn humility.’
‘By no means,’ I said. ‘Dickens was one of the greatest of writers. And he called himself ‘The Inimitable’. Is that not the writer’s conceit? I would rather think myself great and strive for greatness. I believe that I am supremely talented. That I am a genius. And that is why I produce. You cannot ask The Untouchable, the Dalit, the low caste for humility. Humility is how they have kept us down. I am a prodigy. I have had this talent of writing since I was six years old. I was acknowledged as the best in my school and later on during sixth form too. I am unrivalled.’
‘But in the real world, who is there that reads you?’
‘Whoever does is amazed and even overwhelmed by my work. As I have told you, I am a genius. It doesn’t matter if the cast of villains does not want to read.’
‘This conceit that you are a genius. Where does it come from?’
‘From my knowledge of what I have produced. The knowledge that I can go into any field and make the biggest contributions. Film, literature, art history, the law, history, sociology, anthropology. I am a polymath.’
‘I have been told that the most intelligent are modest. They know the limits of their knowledge.’
‘I have prepared this ego for the hostility of a world that would crush our thoughts, that would keep us as The Oppressed. This ego is an answer to the casteists and the racists. I believe that I am god. I do not just write it. I am the prayer of the people. Nothing is closed to me. I know the secrets of the world, the things that drive this society of oppression and injustice. A genius is forged by his context. The context is the Independence of India, the Revolution. It is a work that has not yet been completed and it has asked for another genius. The intellectual terrorist. The one that will destroy this world of contemptuous thought for it to be rebuilt again. I am the truth. I am the knowledge. This self belief is unshakeable.’
‘The few pennies that you rub together from your writing, do they not teach you humility?’ Alfonso smirked at me while he said so.
‘The genius never sells in their lifetime. They are never acknowledged. I am so far higher and beyond all that I float in the heaven all by myself.’
‘If you are the genius that you say that you are, why then do you not produce and produce and produce?’
‘I could. It could easily be done. But why should I waste my life upon the ignorant? They will never give up their ignorance. They cannot value rightly. They will never value the gift that I give them.’
‘The conceit and the contempt that you have are both abominable.’
‘It is what they deserve, they who imagine themselves to be better than me. In fact, I am the best. Because I am the truth. I am the voice of the righteous. I am the one to whom the things are given. The stories that are thousands of years old that no one knows except for myself.’
‘The academy did not accept you.’
‘I do not accept them. I am too intelligent for them. All they have is dirty politics and favouritism. As well as the falsity of their Eurocentric bias.’
‘You think that only you are talented?’
‘Not at all. I believe that I am the most talented and that they should throw everything my way, every single honour and award. All the marks of recognition. They should recognise my greatness.’
‘You talk for them. You think for them.’ Alfonso pointed his finger at me in an accusing way.
‘Why not? They cannot talk a good talk. They cannot think a good thing. They cannot see or support genius.’
‘What good is it to have nothing and to rail at the world for it not giving itself to you? You want consolation? You want consolation for being clever.’
‘One day,’ I said, ‘You will understand what it means to be Medea, the intelligent foreign woman that is surrounded by the hostile and inferior minds around you, that is jilted and has her love stolen away from her. One day, you will understand this Greek myth. And one day, you will know that all the genius can think of is the revenge of success when his status will be restored as the hero. It is something that Euripides was dimly aware of.’
diary of a lone man 