love and the reasons not to die

17.08.2026

It is with sadness that we read of the death of Jason Arday. Such a senseless death from a media witchunt, whatever the reality of the claims of plagiarism. One understands suicide. But one is against it.

Camus wrote that there was only one philosophical question. Whether or not one should live. Whether or not one should commit suicide. Camus said that to kill oneself is to accept and become defeated by the meaninglessness of life. Whereas one should learn to accept that life is meaningless but to make meaning from it. To persist despite everything.

The Indian answer to whether life is worth living comes in many forms. But what is emphasised is love and duty. Whatever thoughts come, dark thoughts, there is always the mother that gave birth to us that would be devastated by our loss. There is the duty that we owe to our parents and family to look after them.

This idea of love and duty is thousands of years old. In the epic, The Mahabharata, the character Bhisma can choose the time of his own death. The reason he does not die is because of love and duty. He had to preserve the dynasty, the kingdom and teach and educate those that he loved and cared for. The children and the future.

Bhishma’s story is all about triumphing over death and suicide. His mother came from heaven and killed all of her babies except for Bhisma to liberate them from the suffering in the world. The reason he survives against his own will and his mother’s will is because of love, that his father the king wished him to live (and for the dynasty). He himself wants to die to escape the world and its pain but does not.

Then, Bhisma was a warrior. We come from the warrior culture. It is regarded as cowardice to kill oneself. And also shameful. The family would have to live in dishonour afterwards and one’s name would be tarnished. One has to live to fight. Life is a war. The duty is to live.

Bhisma’s story unravels another strand of the philosophy and duty to live. The thoughts of suicide come when one is all alone. Suicide happens when one is alone. However, Bhisma exemplifies that we are never alone. He is wrapped up in the web of others. His duty is to the dynasty, the kingdom and the people. He does not think of himself as a lone man. Bhisma wanted to die. He did not because of human relationships and what the Buddhists would call attachment.

One can add to this that Bhisma waits for the right ending, the auspicious time to die. He doesn’t let failure create the ending. Jason Arday let failure create the ending. The idea that everything is finished. One cannot accept the bad ending. One has to look for the right ending, keep on picking oneself up after failure.

In Indian philosophy, to fight against death, one takes up the warrior mantle of Bhisma. Even when one dreams of death, one forces oneself to live. The dream of suicide? When one is all alone, when one is truly free. And the answer to this dream? To remember that we are attached to others. One is bound by others. One has duties. One has to create the right ending. Because of love.

Travel Diary 13.08.2026

Today was results day for my two nephews. Anxiously, we awaited what would happen. It was good news. And particularly heartening for me because I had tutored one of my nephews and now he had got into the university that he wanted. The other boy, I had also helped to raise. These things are always team efforts.

After finding out, I headed off to Apsley House, home of the Duke of Wellington, the hero of the war against Napoleon. It was full of treasures, including an elaborate Egyptian dining centrepiece which was absolutely magnificent. The hieroglyphs were so detailed and done in miniature on the piece. There were amazing treasures too in this museum room, including much gold and many swords, some of them Persian and Indian. I particularly admired the mermaids on the trophies. In this room, I read a letter in French presenting the Egyptian centrepiece and thought to myself how wonderful it was that I could read the language so fluently. I had really enriched my life by studying the tongue.

I spoke to the volunteer about the fabulous Canova statue of Napoleon that was there, so heavy and big at three tons that the room underneath had had to be fortified. I told her that it was probably not my nephew’s favourite as the Napoleon section of the history exam had been quite difficult. There were many other Canovas too, which was a real delight, as well as paintings by Rubens and Velasquez, the latter which I admiringly gazed at. The rooms were all a delight and there were other treasures such as the oldest grand piano in the country. I asked one of the staff members what their favourite painting was in one of the rooms and noted that they had one of one of the places where I work. Apparently, she had also worked there. The banqueting table room was quite magnificent too and seeing it, a lady visitor remarked that the place was better than Buckingham palace.

The next trip was to Hyde Park, where I called on a couple of my friends to wish them a happy anniversary. By this time in the afternoon, I had already called one of my best friends, my girlfriend, an older lady friend who is not doing so well nowadays and the couple with the anniversary. I spent time in the park gazing at the floral beauties in the display in front of, of all places, the facilities.

Home next. On the commute to and fro from London I had been reading great tales from English history and listening to Hindi film songs. At home, I made myself sausage and ketchup sandwiches which I washed down with water. I went to sleep next on my bed.

When I woke up, I refreshed myself with some lychee juice and studied French, Spanish, German, Hindi, Punjabi and Urdu by reading short stories and the news. A few letters to my pen pals in New Zealand and Paris were penned and then I spent time booking things with my girlfriend then headed into London again to meet up with her briefly before I embarked on the last stage of the night.

The venue was the Piano Smithfield near the Barbican. I crammed in a Subway meal for the first time in my life next to it: a sub made out of pepperoni, salami, cheese, jalapenos, red peppers, onions and spicy chipotle sauce. Washed down with a Coke and followed by a double chocolate cookie. It was quite tasty.

The performance was STAGE FEVER Vol. 1 – Royal Serenade, about Korean music and love. Featured Artists:

Soprano: Soyeon Shin, Sophia Jin

Global Pop Artist: QoA

Featured Musicians

Piano: Leah Park

Violin: Sophia Jin

Performers

Stanely Dubentru-huret

Henry Chandler

I had fun listening to the wonderful music, watching the dances and taking many photographs of the event which you can see on my instagram page for my photos – @suneelmehmi . At the end of the performance, I got a photo with the very beautiful Soyeon Shin who I had immediately been besotted with.

When I got home for the night time, I finished off a Lindt chocolate and hazel nut bar that had been kicking around for a couple of months and then edited up my photos of the event and posted them. Then, I wrote my travel diary which I have just completed now.

My qualifications outside of work and study

13.08.2026

Today, the ‘A’ Level results are coming in for my family, so I was thinking about education and opportunities in life. These are completed certificates for study that I have done outside of work and formal higher education in my own spare time. While they show my intelligence, drive, ambition, hard work, commitment, curiosity, motivation, drive and initiative, the only course that got me to where I wanted at the time was the Leadership Essentials Course. Which begs the question – what type of education do we actually value and reward in this society? Thoughts from a lifelong learner with five degrees including a PhD.

– Mckinsey Leadership Essentials Course

– Business and Administration Level 2

– CUST105: Customer Service (University Level Module – Saylor Academy)

– Principles of Inbound Marketing (Hubspot)

– L2 Certificate in the Principles of Warehousing and Storage

– NCFE Level 2 Certificate in Creative Craft (Floristry)

– The Advocacy Course in the Framework of the Culture and Creativity Programme (British Council)

– The Communication Course in the Framework of the Culture and Creativity Programme (British Council)

– An Introduction to Cultural Journalism in the Framework of the Culture and Creativity Programme (British Council)

– The Cultural Relations and Cultural Diplomacy Introduction Course in the Framework of the Culture and Creativity Council (British Council)

– The Cultural Strategy Course in the Framework of the Culture and Creativity Council (British Council)

– The Culture and Creativity Course in the Framework of the Culture and Creativity Council (British Council)

– The Digital Communication Course in the Framework of the Culture and Creativity Council (British Council)

– Project Management in Culture Course in the Framework of the Culture and Creativity Council (British Council)

– The Proposal Writing Course in the Framework of the Culture and Creativity Council (British Council)

– ARTH101 – Art Appreciation (University Level Module – Saylor Academy)

– PHIL304 – Existentialism (University Level Module – Saylor Academy)

– PSYCH101 – Introduction to Psychology (University Level Module – Saylor Academy)

– COMM001 – Principles of Human Communication (University Level Module – Saylor Academy)

– SOC101 – Introduction to Sociology (University Level Module – Saylor Academy)

– ENGL405 – The American Renaissance (University Level Module – Saylor Academy)

solitude in connecting with community

11.08.2026

S: How does an individual become a member of the group?

A: Why do you ask? Who knows?

S: I can give you an example from yesterday. I was waiting patiently by myself for an Indian classical music concert to start. I wanted to become a member of the Indian community. Am I Indian? To become something, you have always to keep on becoming it. I waited and waited and waited. And as I sat there by myself, I felt myself becoming more and more disconnected from the world around me and the people in it.

A: Why this disconnection?

S: Am I of this world? Am I not a god? In any case, I was reminding myself of the time I was single and all I ever did was to try and find some connection in this world. All that time of being alone. Doing things by myself. Going out by myself. And never really meeting anyone.

A: So, at the point that you were trying to connect to the community, you were feeling more and more atomised?

S: Precisely.

A: When the Indian music came, did you feel connected to the community?

S: In the moment of the music, I forgot all earthly cares and troubles. I became one with the music. With the community. I went from being the atom into one that was caught up in the flow of the beautiful singing. One with the voice of India.

A: Did you lose all thought? All introspection, sadness and loneliness?

S: Yes. This is India. You are entranced by her beauty.

A: But by yourself then, you are atomised always?

S: Atomisation calls for work. When by myself, I work and work and work. It covers the ache. Yesterday, waiting, I could not work. It was a loud pub. But let us never become the atom. Let us always be us. The atom works for thought. I am a thinker. But we are human. We are social animals. We are India and we have to become India.

A: Become one with the music and the voice of India.

S: What else is the roar of The Tiger but the voice of India?

Oxford Travel Diary 09.08.2026

At 8 am, we left home for the trip. The ride there was accompanied by the songs of the Beegees and Burt Bacharach.

We arrived at the Park and Ride just out of the city in good spirits and caught the 400 bus down after almost going down to Redbridge instead. We had been asking a lady that had suggested it and also letting her know that we lived in Redbridge in London. The bus driver had redirected us. The journey into town was lively as there were a number of young students on the bus as well.

The first thing we did when we got into town was to dive into the Paul’s bakery where I treated myself to a blueberry brioche that was on for two pounds. It was delicious and I washed it down with a glass of water. My friend had an Americano and I was telling him that I was not a big fan of the flavour.

We got out of the bakery and walked past the town hall which was closed on a Sunday. Initially, we thought that we would just look around without any guidance or Google but then I saw what looked like a local and asked him for directions. He gave them to us patiently and when my friend enquired what it was like to live in Oxford, he told us it used to be much better.

The first stop was the Ashmolean museum. The staff on the entrance joked with us about cake and how we were too individualistic because we hadn’t shared any with them. Inside, we started off with the statues and then walked into the Ancient Egypt tour by Mary which had just started. The tour was very interesting and included the history of the Ashmolean, Great Britain’s first museum. When the tour was finished, we bumped into Mary again by a tablet in Ancient Greek and she started talking to us about all sorts of things like teaching Ancient Greek, classics and learning hieroglyphs. She answered all my friend’s questions about Ancient Egypt too. Then, she invited us to some drinks and we sat in the cafe with her talking about Oxford and things like whether museums should charge. I had a Coke while we were talking.

We meandered over to the Natural History museum next which was fun with all of the fossils. We took in the exhibition with the key materials of the future and spent a lot of time admiring the birds and insects that had been done in taxidermy. We started our adventure there with the cafe and had foccacio, mine with cheese, rocket and tomatoes. Highlights of the trip included seeing the Venus of Willendorf and seeing the skeleton of a chimpanzee as well as the skull of a hippopotamus. The Natural History museum lead into the Pitt Rivers museum which was a fantastic collection of stuff like Japanese masks, snuff boxes from different cultures and things like carved boats.

Next stop, the Oxfam bookshop. Slightly disappointing as I thought it would have a better selection. We do much better in London. I picked up a book on Imperialism though. We then made our way into the University Parks where we found a big tree to lie under and have a nap.

Feeling refreshed, we made our way into the city centre to have a look about. We did all the big tourist things. The Bridge of Sighs which I thought had been slightly over hyped. Investigating the area around the Bodleian library and seeing the Radcliffe Camera too, an area in which I had a chocolate chip ice cream and where we were surrounded with what looked like Chinese tourists.

We wandered into the Thames path next and had a refreshing walk in the greenery. We were behind a massive group of young students. My friend had a swim in the Thames. We came out and saw the music artist Devon Mayson performing the Cher song ‘Do you believe in love after love’ in the balcony of ‘The Head of the River’ and then walked into the Christchurch gardens which were wonderfully beautiful.

We closed the day at Oxford with a meal at Popeyes where we had a Cajun spiced chicken burger, mine with spicy wings and fries. Finally, it was the 400 bus back to the park and ride and then a journey home where I had to rest my eyes a little bit. I got back home at about a quarter past eleven and finally in bed at about a quarter to midnight after sharing the photos and videos of the day with my friend.

Ulting and Southend on Sea – Travel Diary 08.08.2026

The last long walk and day out that my friend and I had last week was from Woolwich Arsenal to Crystal Palace which was about forty five thousand steps (but I never managed to write about this walk). I was really looking forward to this walk.

After we dropped off my son’s friend at Stanstead Airport, we headed down to Ulting and the river Chelmer. The sun was glorious and not too intense and we made our way down along the river. My friend was seeking out an entry point for some wild swimming. Apparently, the Chelmer was known to be a good spot for this.

Unfortunately, the lining in my favourite grey Puma trainers had ruptured and my foot had been sore with a blister for the past few days. Today I was in excruciating pain. I hobbled along.

The river was populated by a number of families and couples. We saw a guy with his whole body tattooed several times as he walked up and down the riverbank with his girlfriend (tattooless). There were little boys fishing with their fathers and my friend asked them if they had caught anything. There was one very pretty blonde woman on her bike with her boyfriend accompanying her too.

We noted quite a few points where the entry point would be quite good and decided to do the thing after a quick snack. We stopped off at the lock and had a seat in the shade and cracked open a box of chocolate chip cake and bananas. I peered inside my trainer and discovered why my foot was in such pain. The rupture in the lining had created a hard nodule that had risen up and it was digging into my foot. Although my foot hurt, I had not been aware of it. I pulled it out. Then we set back to find the suitable spot to have a wild swim. It took a bit of time to navigate where my friend could get in but we got to it.

As we walked back, which was now less painful, my friend was telling me his theory about fishing. It was, he said, a sport where you hunted in one spot. You were chasing the animal in a stationary position, which made it a unique form of hunting.

My friend stripped off and got into his trunks and then went into the river. I had decided not to go in because I had caught a few things in the past from swimming and had been advised not to do anything by my girlfriend in addition. So I took some action shots of my friend. The water looked very cool, refreshing and invigorating and my friend told me that it was indeed. I was tempted to get in but decided that it was good enough to sit on a towel on the riverbank in the shade and to live the experience vicariously through my friend.

We drove down next to Southend on Sea next, to some parts that I had never been before like Thorpe Bay, although I had been to the grammar school there for seven years. When we got there, we happened upon a Toby Carvery so I treated us to a big roast as a thank you to my friend for driving us all day. It was delicious. I had a king sized platter. He heaped his plate which too much food but amazingly managed to finish it and was completely stuffed afterwards.

After that, we walked along the beach for a few hours. It was windy at first and it was messing around my hair which was annoying, as I am quite self-conscious about it. However, it was an amazing walk. We were scanning the ground for interesting shells and jellyfish of which there were many. I was picking up stones and admiring them and we skimmed some across the surface of the sea, although my friend was much better at this than me. My foot was still in considerable pain – in the evening I would see that there was a massive blister there. We managed twenty five thousand steps in the day though by the end. If there’s one thing that anyone knows about me, it is that I can endure a lot of pain and I don’t like to give up.

We came across a lady feeding seagulls which was quite a picturesque sight and I wish that I had taken a few photos of it after getting her permission. A blonde lady with a family took some photos of me and my friend on the beach at my request. She was a pro apparently and took a number of shots, although the final version that we went with was just the one straight forward shot that she took as my friend was not a fan of the diagonal angles. At one point, we walked though a massive Afro Caribbean party on the beach.

I went back to Toby’s Carvery at the end and got myself a chocolate brownie sundae. My friend was still full and didn’t want one. We had a final look at the sea as my friend had suggested some more wild swimming but now it was slightly colder and he had eaten a little too much so we gave it a miss. Then, at the end, what was there but the drive home? We listened to Dan TDM with video game music on Classical FM, discussing which sounds were palatable or not. The foot was super sore in the evening.

the choice of a hero

08.08.2026

S: We choose our heroes. And the choice shows us who we are.

A: What is your choice?

S: You know my choice. My choice is the man that fights for The Mother. The man that fights for the Oppressed, for the People. The man that fights for the Revolution. The man that fights for honour and justice.

A: And what about others? Surely they choose a just man?

S: What makes you think this? This world is still caught in the clutches of colonialism and in the sweating palms of the atrocious rich. It is a world plagued by racism and hate. And in this world, do you think that they will choose a just hero? Their hero is defined by the colour of their skin. Their hero is defined by the exploitation that gives them power, privilege, and wealth. Their hero is not a hero at all. Their hero is the villain. Far from being for The Revolution, their hero is for the continuation of this evil.

A: Are you not unjust to these people?

S: Where is the evidence that they have chosen a just hero? The entire problem is their process of selection, their so-called ‘choice’ that they are so proud of boasting about. In reality, they have no choice. They are slaves. And they follow the herd and the rich that rule over them.

A: You yourself have had little choice in who you have chosen as a hero. It is a culture that gives us a hero.

S: The culture of Punjab is beautiful because we have produced hero after hero. We have fought against oppression and injustice. And then, I am one of the Untouchables, the lowest castes. Our heroes are those that embody The Revolution. The Independence. We are the warriors from the warrior culture.

A: Some think that the warrior is evil.

S: Good is won through war. There is no other way. We bring the goodness into the world. That is why we are heroes. Even now, I fight against the Empire. Even now. Even now I fight against racism and oppression. Even now. That is the heroism that I have chosen. That is the heroism that you read when I write, when I think. We go up against a world that wishes to erase difference and diversity. And when you judge the words, it is our words that have the greatest weight. It is our words that win. Because we are the truth in a universe of lies.

a limited appetite

05.08.2026

S: Capitalism thrives on a limited appetite.

A: Surely you mean that capitalism thrives on an unlimited appetite?

S: Not at all. If you look at what products are available…

A: Surely there is everything available. Everything is up for sale.

S: Look at the flavours. For fruit juice, it is always the same combinations in the supermarkets. For cakes, it is always the same combinations in the supermarkets. Where is the unique and the rare? If capitalism relies on mass production, it also appears to rely on limitation.

A: You can buy unique products outside of the supermarkets.

S: In reality, no one does. People have to get by with a limited appetite because of convenience and price. And it is ridiculous. There are so many plants and animals in the world. There is so much food. Yet people will stick to the same things over and over again.

A: The stomach is conservative.

S: So you agree. There is a limited appetite.

A: Why do you think there is this limited appetite?

S: The force of habit and habituation. The force of a lack of imagination and exploration. The lack of experimentalism. The following of convention. Doing what others do. The conformism in society. The Western concentration on specialisation and lack of diversification. All of the things that are wrong with the herd here.

A: The armchair theorist and sociologist. The critic.

S: To be different in this life, one has to be absolutely extraordinary. The force of conformism is too much. It affects each aspect of the body. Not only the stomach but the legs. Most people sit all day for a job. The eyes. The eyes are focused on the screen all day and lies, rather than reality and the truth. What a society.

the reality of the mountain

04.08.2026

S: In this journey, there is the mountain. And there is only the mountain. There is no plain sailing.

A: You do not have to climb the mountain.

S: That is what you believe. Each has a different destiny. When there is the expectation, there is the mountain.

A: You will insist on the mountain?

S: They insist upon it.

A: And what of this mountain? The great can ascend to any height.

S: That is indeed the mark of their greatness. And yet, even the great have to succumb to the reality of the mountain. Why do they have to succumb? Their energies would have brought more to fruition if the mountain was not there.

A: Humanity will always create the mountain. They do not want to let anyone do anything.

S: This is the reality. Ayn Rand wrote about this in ‘Atlas Shrugged’. Dickens wrote about it with the Circumlocution Office. This is what society generally is. The obstruction. The odds are ever against you performing and achieving. Because they do not want Revolution. They do not sincerely want progress. They want you to follow the herd.

A: Why not follow the herd. It is easier?

S: The herd are full of hate and stupidity and ignorance. The herd are uncouth, arrogant and evil. You would follow this? You would have a man follow this? The man follows his own way. And this is why we are a rarity in this world.

A: It is fashionable to attack the people.

S: One follows goodness. Read their newspapers. Watch them. See their actions in the world. Then judge. They have failed in goodness. Evil has overtaken goodness in this world. The ideals we have been brought up upon, they do not have these ideals. And then, it is not only the People that we judge and criticise. It is their leaders that they have chosen too. The whole system is corrupt. The mountain too, this is corrupt. It is evidence of their corruption. And yet, still we climb the mountain. As is often said, it is there. It is the reality of the mountain that calls for its conquest.

a break in writing

03.08.2026

A: Why have you taken this break in writing? Your readers are missing you.

S: I do not owe anyone anything.

A: In some sense, you do. They come to your writing time and time again. They trust you to write something.

S: In any case, what changes with my writing? The world is corrupt when I am writing. It is corrupt when I am not writing. There is no transformation. There is no Revolution.

A: You have lost faith in humanity? You have lost faith in making a difference?

S: If you want to see how much notice people take of you, try pursuing writing, art, poetry and photography for a number of years. And see what it all comes to when you do not come from the dominant culture and you have no connections.

A: I thought you told me that you do not give up.

S: You will merely have to see whether I continue writing or not, won’t you?

A: Do you think that you can give up writing. I would say that is not possible. We all know you. Come, what is happening in your life? You have the most eventful life out of anyone that I know.

S: It is a round of concerts, friendships, romance, reading and rushing. Rushing, rushing, rushing. To fit everything in. To keep everything and everyone going. And then, stepping in where I am needed in this society. Helping old ladies with things in a restaurant. Breaking up fights on the street in the night time. Asking after elderly friends that are sick. Visiting old friends that are not doing so well.

A: You are still waiting for the golden opportunity? You are still waiting to transform this world? Remember what they said in Dhurandhar, ‘The Master of the Field’. To have one’s revenge, one needs energy. Do you have enough? Are you tired and old yet? Have you given up the fight?

S: You ask this of one from whom The Mother expects? You ask this of one that Punjab expects. That India expects. That the People, the Oppressed, that they expect? Do you know why Vishnu came to earth in every age, as in the form of my namesake Krishna? He came to expel sin from the world every time. To soothe the tears of humanity. I have been born for them. That is the destiny that has been picked out for me. You would have me fight against my destiny?

A: What have you done to right the world?

S: Everything. I have taught refugees and migrants English. I have volunteered in after school home work clubs for underprivileged children. I have tackled social isolation through reading as a volunteer. I have written and written and written for charities to spread education. I send money abroad to the poor for education. I give money to the temple so that they can feed everyone and build a community. I give money to charity. I give food to the homeless. I have coached my friends with their ambitions and dreams of advancement, helped them get jobs, supported them. I look after people in public whenever there is any issue, no matter how dangerous it is. I look after my friends and my family, nursing the sick, preparing them for university, teaching them. I have educated myself without mercy to right this world. I write to politicians to right things. Everyone looks to me to be the man and I act like the man. And I do all these things while I have been in a rigorous study for a doctorate or while I work sixty or seventy hour weeks in volunteering and working. No one can say that I do nothing. And the ones that do say I do not do anything? What do they do?