06.11.2026

At one point in my life, I thought that I was always going to be alone. All alone for the rest of my life.

Despite actually being named ‘handsome’ by everyone (‘Sonu’), despite being known to be good at conversation, despite being known to be the life and soul of the party, despite being known to be good at approaching women by all my friends, despite all my women friends telling me I would be the perfect boyfriend, I was alone for a long time. I know the reason why and everyone else knows the reason why, even though I won’t say it out loud and they won’t either. Because nothing is more shocking to some people than the truth. Let’s all pretend it was for any reason apart from the real reason.

How did I survive this solitude? When we have nightmares, in those nightmares, we are always alone. The fear is loneliness itself. How did I live a life that was a nightmare? How would I live a life of nightmares if I was alone again?

This was what I was thinking while I was watching Tango After Dark at Sadler’s Wells today in the interval. I was by myself. I had come back a few weeks ago from a holiday that was all by myself in Greece. A lone man was watching these couples dance on the stage. Around this lone man, there were couples, friends, people all together and sharing the excitement and energy of the dance.

Well, the answer was that I read books. I lived in fictional lands like Harry Potter and The Polar Bear Explorer’s Club. Even in the interval and before the show, as well as on the journey home at the end, I was reading ‘The Literature Book’ and reading things on social media.

That horrible empty space that was inside? I filled it up with meaning: work, volunteering, events, friends and activities. I worked like a workaholic in meaningful jobs, working more than twice the hours of other people. I volunteered at meaningful causes. I attended free cultural events in London regularly, meaningful events. I spent a lot of time with my friends, organising days out and evenings together, working on building meaningful relationships. I spent a lot of time doing creative writing, drawing and photographing, many different creative pursuits, many meaningful endeavours.

And I kept on hoping and hoping. That I would meet just one person. Just one person to build a life together. Just one person that was different from everyone else. Just one person that could give me love. One person that would recognise that what I wanted most in the world was love.

That is how I lived through the nightmare of loneliness. That is how I survived solitude. It is hope that is the most beautiful thing in the world. The hope of love.

But there is something strange in the ending. It was when I had abandoned all hope, like those that enter hell, that something changed. Something happened. It was when I gave up on the dream of love and was living like a corpse that I was in a relationship. I was no longer alone. Ask the philosopher to explain it. That is life.