the happiness of duty (microfiction)

26.12.2025

S: When he died, he said ‘Thank god I have done my duty.’ There is no satisfaction like the satisfaction of duty.

A: Who says? You might have a better life without duty. It can’t be duty all the time.

S: How can you have a moment’s peace or happiness if you haven’t done your duty?

A: What brings this on?

S: I have someone. I feel happy. But I can’t be fully happy until I have fulfilled my duty. I don’t want happiness to take over my responsibilities.

A: Does it have to do that?

S: There is a risk. There is always a risk with duty. Because it is much easier and more convenient not to do your duty. That is what most people do. I do not want to be like them. With me, duty has to come first.

A: Just enjoy your happiness.

S: There is this worry. That this happiness will end.

A: If duty does not make you happy, forget about duty.

S: You know, when we got the news of my grandfather’s death, I had to take the phone call. I was the man in the house. I was the only one that could speak English. I had just been told that my grandfather had died. My beloved grandfather. Do you know the first thing that I had to do? I had to walk over to my grandmother’s house and get her so that we could take care of her and console her. I knew that she would know what had happened when I went there because I had just walked over from her house. I was sleeping over there at the time. I forced myself to walk to her house. I forced myself to pretend that nothing had happened, like I had been told to do. I forced myself to do it. I did it because it was my duty. It was my duty to protect her and look after her so that she was not alone.

A: Don’t think about those moments. They are gone. Forget about them. Heal yourself from those moments.

S: I forced myself to do it. I forced myself to act that part. I did my duty. And every time, I will have to do my duty. It doesn’t matter if I don’t want to do it and it is hard. It doesn’t matter what it costs. I will do it.

the voice inside (microfiction)

22.12.2025

S: Against the voice outside, there is the voice inside.

A: How you talk to yourself?

S: Yes, the voice of power and the voice of daring.

A: What does the voice inside say?

S: The voice inside tells me that I am Love. The voice inside says to break the mouth of the law, the corruption of what counts as right and justice here. The voice inside tells me that I am a hero, that I am a genius, that I am the only real man in this country.

A: You are so proud of being a man. It is just a gender category.

S: It is one that I have chosen. And been chosen for. To stand for strength and courage. To stand for protection. The warrior.

A: They say that you are toxic.

S: Freedom says fuck you. Freedom says fuck you to the world. Fuck your cowardice, fuck your lack of ability and fuck your prejudice. They are happy for their fucking little non-men to have their unjust and false wars for the corruption that is the state. They are happy for these perverts to rape women abroad and to kill the innocent. I do not fight for the state. I fight for the people, for us. For the Oppressed.

A: Where is your war?

S: In everything that I do. How I love. How I write. What I think. What I do. It is the Revolution.

A: And the voice outside?

S: The voice outside is saying not to be a man. Not to have desire. That me and my people are nothing, to be cast aside and away. The voice outside is saying to be a slave and a non-man, like the slaves and the non-men here. The voice outside is saying to live a selfish and greedy life with no responsibilities and no values. The voice outside is saying let the rich fuck you and rule over you. To accept race as a marker of status and privilege and to eat this fucking bullshit because of my ethnicity. This voice is hate. It says to hate. To abandon love.

A: This voice says all these things?

S: The voice inside is more powerful than the voice outside. The voice inside is winning. Freedom says fuck you.

mother medicine

20.12.2025

A: Why didn’t you succumb to the depression?

S: Why did I get up in the morning out of bed and I was never late for work? Why did I pass my university exams? Why did I volunteer at all those places? Why did I work six jobs and all the overtime that I could get? Why did I educate my nephew so that he passed his exams in every spare moment that I had? Why did I help my friends through their problems without telling them about my own problems?

A: Yes. Why? How did you do it? What is the cure?

S: Because even when I felt like shit, I had to pretend in front of my mother that there was nothing wrong. So that I did not hurt her. So that she did not think there was any problem. Because there were people depending on me and people that looked up to me. That needed me.

A: You did that for two whole years?

S: I could die for my mother. What is a bit of acting compared to that? I have sworn to protect her. She wanted me to work. She wanted me to be a man. Not just a man. The man.

A: This face that you showed the world, this laughing face, how could you play that role for two whole years?

S: You don’t get an Oscar for real life. In real life, there is only one take. Everything that I do, I am talented at. Acting as well.

A: Isn’t the new philosophy that you should go broken to the doctor and your whole life should be broken if you are sad?

S: The sadness that I had was real. It wasn’t based on nothing. It was based on heartbreak and trauma. I am not of this generation of people. I am six thousand years old. The brave live throughout sadness and loss. They do not fall into the pit. I am strength. I am resilience. I am The Tiger. And the mother of The Tiger expects a warrior. That is my power. That is why I am invincible and indefatigable.

moving from sadness to happiness (microfiction)

02.12.2025

A: You have been grieving. You have been mourning a loved one.

S: Does mourning ever end? Is it finished? Why the past tense?

A: Yes. Because you are moving into happiness. How does it feel moving from sadness to happiness?

S: The ones that we have lost, we still remember them. The sadness of their loss. It doesn’t matter how happy we are. The cut goes deep. And, moreover, I am not mourning the dead. I am mourning the living. The quick and not the dead. How can the mourning for the living ever end?

A: Yet you must feel happiness?

S: I feel the intoxication. It has happened again. Yes, I feel happy.

A: Don’t cling to the dead. Free yourself from their arms.

S: Those arms are grasping at me. They want to pull me into the sea with them.

A: I have told you not to think those thoughts.

S: Because of them, I think that anyone I am with will betray me and leave me.

A: You are saying that you are scared? You told me that you do not fear.

S: I do not fear anything for myself. I am not scared of death or battle. But the ones that I love? Losing them fills me with terror.

A: You are wrong. You can live without them. You have proved it.

S: I don’t want to live without them.

A: You have told me yourself. However brutal this life is, you have to live it. The mourning period is over. It is finished now. There is someone now.

S: Do you think that if your brain has been habituated to mourning for years, that it can suddenly shake itself off from that mourning just like that? Do you think that someone with a memory like mine can just lose the memory of trauma?

A: You will have to. You owe it to yourself and to this someone. Everything takes time. Your happiness is new. It is being reborn. You were happy once before and you are happy once again. Happiness is the natural state of things. Forget the past. Don’t think on it. Learn how to trust again. The mark of bravery is trust and love. Everything will work out. Just enjoy happiness and contrast it with that sadness and the emptiness that you felt. That betrayal.

S: I want that happiness. I want to free myself from death.

A: Good. Then do so. Desire is the mother of action.

how a piece of shit thinks (microfiction)

28.11.2025

S: You don’t have to wonder what a piece of shit thinks. They are trumpeting it everywhere. Trump is trumpeting it. And so is that fucking arsehole Farage. In fact this whole fascist government is trumpeting that fucking bullshit.

A: And what is it that this piece of shit is thinking?

S: Anyone with any sense knows that instead of putting their own house in order, these racist vermin are blaming all of the problems that they have created on ethnic minorities and people coming into the country. Deflection. Externalisation. In a word, bullshit. While the ethnic minorities and people coming into the country are doing all the work that they won’t and can’t do.

A: How is it working?

S: While their racist ‘civilisation’ is dictating the terms of conduct and thought throughout the whole world, as they continue to colonise the whole world and eradicate difference, they are pretending that they are at risk of extinction. Because these fascists can’t tolerate that there might be a different way of living and thought. While they are hoarding all the wealth in the world for themselves and stealing it from others, they are pretending that we are stealing all their wealth. They can’t stand meritocracy and fair competition because they have no talent themselves – only their privilege.

A: Who are the morons that are falling for this shit?

S: The moron has nothing. No talent and no spirit or thought. They are fucking slaves. What they have is the colour of their skin or their nationality. And they think, because of that, that they are better than everyone else. But they don’t really believe that they are better than anyone else. Because inside, they know that they are nothing but a piece of shit. So they try to pick on who they perceive is weaker than themselves, all the while knowing that those people are better than they are. Because those others are not full of hate like they are. These fucking slaves don’t have the fighting spirit to wage war against the rich. They are sycophants and bend over to let the rich and powerful fuck them. So they pick on who they perceive as the poor and hungry. They don’t have belief in their own ‘civilisation’ – they think that anyone can displace it and rule over them. They are cowards that move in a herd and have no originality or independence of vision. They love lies. They love hate. They hate love.

A: How do you stop a piece of shit thinking like a piece of shit?

S: They only have hate. That is all they have. Read ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’. Trash only has race and nationality, they don’t have anything else. They are hollow scum. Just like Mayella Ewell is ruled over by her ignorant father in the novel to believe that she is superior because of the colour of her skin, so these fucking morons, these fucking slaves can only be ruled with hate.

ego and acceptance (microfiction)

25.11.2025

S: When someone returns your affection, you feel like the king of the world.

A: You feel like that anyway. You have a big ego.

S: You know me. And you are right. But it is different when someone likes you. Because then you feel even more like the king of the world.

A: Plenty of them like you.

S: It doesn’t matter if someone likes me or not. Because they do not act upon it. They do nothing. They let me do nothing. And therefore, it did not and does not count. What counts is action in love. Just as in war.

A: How do you know they like you if they do nothing about it?

S: That is exactly my point.

A: Clarify for me.

S: Romance is a guessing game. Do they like me? How much do they like me? What do I mean to them? We keep on looking for the signs in other people. But the real sign is how much they are willing to make time for you. That is what it comes down to. When people make time for you and want to meet you, to have you to themselves. When even if things are difficult, they make it happen. That proves that they love you and care about you.

A: That is the only proof you would have?

S: What else is there? Just receiving a look of like cannot give you satisfaction. It is not like holding someone in your arms. Just hearing the words that indicate that someone likes you, it doesn’t satisfy you. You have to be able to feel that something real is happening. And it feels real when you are there, looking into their eyes, touching them, whispering sweet nothings to them.

A: Your ego relies on acceptance?

S: When I was rejected, I wanted to die. I am not exaggerating.

A: Well now that you have been accepted, you should want to live. So live.

S: Life has embraced me now. She wears a flower in her hair and she dances with abandon. I follow her through the fields of summer. All the while, the chill winter wind blows. But when I am with her, I do not feel it.

the lonely (microfiction)

22.11.2025

S: What a horrible thing loneliness is.

A: The occasion for thinking so? You are not that lonely nowadays are you?

S: I have been lonely. Perhaps few have been as lonely as I have been.

A: It is not a competition.

S: But today, it is not me that is lonely, thankfully. I am looking at lonely people destroying their lives around me through loneliness.

A: And what do you feel?

S: I understand them. I feel pity for them. It is a disease. What is bad about loneliness is that even if you try to escape loneliness, the feeling of loneliness will destroy even the attempt to escape it. Because the lonely do things that only the lonely can do. And that others don’t understand. Bizarre and insane things.

A: How did you escape loneliness?

S: I tried everything. I was also bizarre. Then, one day, the loneliness was over. But let me tell you, in our nightmares we are lonely. It is a terrible thing because the nightmare becomes life. And it is made worse by this Western society. Because in the past, you would have the whole family to support you. They have made their people live by themselves. And then, only one person, one special person is allowed to take away their loneliness. The lonely are risking all their redemption on one person. Who may not even be trustworthy. That is why so many are so lonely. They have created this colossal disease, this atomisation in society. This terrible burden of loneliness which you relieve onto the shoulders of just one person. And then, everyone around you, they keep so busy from you and so separate that they can never relieve your loneliness.

A: You would have them live like you, in the Indian family?

S: What is called Western Independence costs you heavily. Read the ‘Divergent’ series. The heroine never recovers from the separation with her parents, her independence and choice. The Indian way is how we have been living for thousands of years. It is the natural way. It is how we have escaped loneliness through the ages.

A: Keep your good wishes to the lonely.

S: They are not bad people. They do not deserve the judgement. They are just lonely and as I have said, it is a disease. I understand and I will not judge them. Instead, I will hope that their loneliness is over. That they can escape this loneliness.

medicine in the body (microfiction)

20.11.2025

‘You are looking considerably better’, remarked Alfonso, surveying me up and down. He was looking particularly dashing today too.

‘Was there any issue before?’ I asked him, raising my eyebrow archly.

‘You would not like the answer’, he grinned at me. ‘What is it do you think that is doing it for you?’

‘Having someone to hold.’

Alfonso smiled. ‘So, at last! But how is the holding doing so much?’

‘Before, I was wandering about this world, as lonely as a cloud on high. There was no love that was being offered to me. In fact, I was given refusal, disdain and rejection. Over and over again. Now, love is being offered to me and being taken from me in this hold.’

‘You think that love cures?’ asked Alfonso. ‘I heard that it is a sickness of itself.’

‘Holding someone is connection. What else do we search for in this life? We have it before we are born. We are in our mothers. After we are born, we stay close to our mother, skin upon skin. Looking into her eyes the whole time. Connection is our beginning and it is what forms our minds. That is why holding someone is medicine. Their body is medicine. The medicine of connection.’

‘Says the one that is healed.’

‘Jesus healed by laying his hands on others. Not by magic. But by touch.’

‘How does it feel, this healing?’

‘The ego is boosted. There is someone for me, someone that cares for me, someone that loves me, someone that holds me in this moment. There is someone against my skin that protects me from this cold and hard world. I feel secure, supported, greater than myself. I feel that now I am a true part of the human race.’

‘Someone to hold. A simple cure.’

‘The cure is simple. But to get someone to hold? It is not simple. It is fiendishly complicated. But we will not go into that. There are those that object to the truth because it is not in their interest and does not serve their agenda. And we live in the cancel culture. Instead, I will enjoy the cure.’

holding hands (microfiction)

16.11.2025

S: When I got into the station, a young hooligan pushed the gates to get free entry. Then, when I came home from London, again at the same station, I watched someone push through those same gates to get out. The workers there did nothing to stop it both times.

A: I feel like this is not over yet.

S: When the bus was pulling out of the station, it had to stop. Some idiot had parked his car in the bus lane so that we couldn’t squeeze past.

A: Why focus on these things?

S: I’m trying to tell you about the people that I live with in my area. What I have to live with.

A: Forget about that. Talk about something different.

S: Why do people hold hands?

A: To connect?

S: But how did it originate? Why grab someone’s hands?

A: It is the primary way that we touch, through our fingers and hands.

S: That might be one explanation. How about this for a theory? If you hold hands, you can never lose anyone. You are attached to them.

A: What makes you think that?

S: Over the past three years, with the brutal treatment that I received from those that I loved, when you suddenly snap apart and there is nothing any more, when before you thought you would have them forever… You need to hold hands to stop that happening. You need to be attached to someone.

A: Isn’t attachment just connection?

S: Attachment conveys more of an idea of sticking together.

A: How about this for an objection? When you hold hands, you don’t just hold hands. You also caress the hand and the fingers.

S: And how about this for a reply? When you caress, you are looking at more places to attach yourself to, to connect to, to love.

A: Well, I hope for you, you find many places to love.

S: What is this journey in life but finding those many places to love? And then loving in those places?

the machine (microfiction)

14.11.2025

S: How do you build the perfect warrior?

A: Haven’t you seen those action films? You inject them with a serum. Or you give them a bionic body.

S: It is not the body. It is the mind.

A: How so?

S: The perfect warrior is one that has anger. He is a berserker on the battlefield. Anger gives you strength and valor.

A: Surely anger makes you make mistakes?

S: You can get away with many mistakes in a fight. The other thing you need is loyalty. Loyalty to the cause.

A: Undying and unthinking loyalty?

S: Not unthinking. And undying except in special cases. There are many such qualities. The most important one is love.

A: I knew you would say that.

S: It is a complete misunderstanding of war and love to say that ‘I am a lover and not a fighter.’ In fact, the lover can only be a fighter.

A: We have heard this before.

S: The perfect warrior can only fight for love. The perfect warrior can die for love.

A: What if there is no love in this warrior’s life?

S: You need motivation in life. You rush home to talk to someone. You rush to where you are going to see someone. It is love that gives energy. Freud said love and work. That is what makes a life.

A: And the body?

S: India made a machine. The machine came from the farmers and the serfs. Full of natural muscle. With an insane stamina. A body that can do a hundred hours of work a week for over twenty years. A natural athlete. Strength personified. But the body? It is nothing without that iron will, the indomitable spirit and the audacious, powerful brain…

A: Who do you talk of?

S: The one that scares the cowards. The one that bows his head to The Mother. The one that is the boast of Punjab…

A: The Tiger…