jesus, paranoia and imperialism

15.05.2026

S: With imperialism, you can trust no one. No one is your real friend.

A: What do you mean? There’s always someone that you can trust.

S: Every friend will betray you for the empire.

A: Typical cynicism.

S: It is in the bible.

A: How so?

S: Does not Judas betray Christ? Is it not said that each one of his disciples will deny him? And why do they do it? They do it in service of the Roman Empire. The situation of Christ is the situation of the colonised in the age of Imperialism. It is the same age that we are living in now. The fact is that the oppressor kills the oppressed. The oppressor makes sure that the oppressed is betrayed.

A: No one wants to hear your interpretation of the scriptures. You are not even Christian.

S: Be that as it may be, the oppressed can read the life of the oppressed.

A: Any more jewels to bestow upon us with these readings?

S: In a selfish and greedy regime, where arrogance and a lack of empathy are the hallmarks of those supposedly successful in that society, where there is only the worship of wealth and status rather than spiritual growth, a genius like Christ can only encounter envy, hatred, jealousy and betrayal from even those that call himself his friends and peers. This has been the way throughout the whole of human history. Because those that are the worst lead. Those that are the worst exploit others and win power. Those that are not fit to be called human beings have to prove themselves superior.

A: This lesson is obviously not about Christ, is it?

S: It is about the present, with the rise of fascism in the world and where, unmistakably, powers like America and Russia are clearly empires, as well as the so-called ‘developed’ world which lords it over the ‘developing’ world by exploiting their natural resources and manpower. This age of capitalism, globalisation, what is it except for a new empire, neo-imperialism? It is this world that we live in, this world of the empire. And in it, Christ once more has to watch betrayal after betrayal. Because the clever man, the better man, the god on earth, the genius, the master of living, he has to watch the wretches around him sell him out and deny him.

A: They say that the colonised have a persecution complex. They suffer from paranoia.

S: It is not paranoia. Freud, himself the persecuted Jew, he said that even the paranoiac is not without justification. Man is a wolf to man. It is what the persecuted know. And Freud knew more than most – he was also a genius in Nazi Germany. They hated his cleverness. The colonised and the geniuses know the truth of this society of imperialism, hate and oppression.

the conceit of the writer

11.05.2026

‘The reason,’ said Alfonso in his engagingly lazy and erudite drawl, ‘that you write so much is because you are supremely conceited. You really feel as though you are the cleverest and most important person in the room. In any room.’

‘And what is wrong with that?’ I growled at him. After all, it was true. I was more intelligent than everyone else. It was just an intelligence that they did not want. Because it went against their agenda of stupidity and racism.

‘In reality, who they want to hear talk are the mindless.’

Was it not true? What sold the most in this society? The endless drivel that the celebrities came out with, those were the top selling books. And the areas that they neglected were all of the interesting areas, science, literary studies, art historical scholarship. They would rather listen to the imbecilic Farage or Trump than someone that could actually talk some sense. Their sensibilities were for hate. For the puerile. For unjust wars.

‘The conceit of the writer is what allows him to write.’

‘You cannot worship the ego as a writer,’ said Alfonso. ‘Learn humility.’

‘By no means,’ I said. ‘Dickens was one of the greatest of writers. And he called himself ‘The Inimitable’. Is that not the writer’s conceit? I would rather think myself great and strive for greatness. I believe that I am supremely talented. That I am a genius. And that is why I produce. You cannot ask The Untouchable, the Dalit, the low caste for humility. Humility is how they have kept us down. I am a prodigy. I have had this talent of writing since I was six years old. I was acknowledged as the best in my school and later on during sixth form too. I am unrivalled.’

‘But in the real world, who is there that reads you?’

‘Whoever does is amazed and even overwhelmed by my work. As I have told you, I am a genius. It doesn’t matter if the cast of villains does not want to read.’

‘This conceit that you are a genius. Where does it come from?’

‘From my knowledge of what I have produced. The knowledge that I can go into any field and make the biggest contributions. Film, literature, art history, the law, history, sociology, anthropology. I am a polymath.’

‘I have been told that the most intelligent are modest. They know the limits of their knowledge.’

‘I have prepared this ego for the hostility of a world that would crush our thoughts, that would keep us as The Oppressed. This ego is an answer to the casteists and the racists. I believe that I am god. I do not just write it. I am the prayer of the people. Nothing is closed to me. I know the secrets of the world, the things that drive this society of oppression and injustice. A genius is forged by his context. The context is the Independence of India, the Revolution. It is a work that has not yet been completed and it has asked for another genius. The intellectual terrorist. The one that will destroy this world of contemptuous thought for it to be rebuilt again. I am the truth. I am the knowledge. This self belief is unshakeable.’

‘The few pennies that you rub together from your writing, do they not teach you humility?’ Alfonso smirked at me while he said so.

‘The genius never sells in their lifetime. They are never acknowledged. I am so far higher and beyond all that I float in the heaven all by myself.’

‘If you are the genius that you say that you are, why then do you not produce and produce and produce?’

‘I could. It could easily be done. But why should I waste my life upon the ignorant? They will never give up their ignorance. They cannot value rightly. They will never value the gift that I give them.’

‘The conceit and the contempt that you have are both abominable.’

‘It is what they deserve, they who imagine themselves to be better than me. In fact, I am the best. Because I am the truth. I am the voice of the righteous. I am the one to whom the things are given. The stories that are thousands of years old that no one knows except for myself.’

‘The academy did not accept you.’

‘I do not accept them. I am too intelligent for them. All they have is dirty politics and favouritism. As well as the falsity of their Eurocentric bias.’

‘You think that only you are talented?’

‘Not at all. I believe that I am the most talented and that they should throw everything my way, every single honour and award. All the marks of recognition. They should recognise my greatness.’

‘You talk for them. You think for them.’ Alfonso pointed his finger at me in an accusing way.

‘Why not? They cannot talk a good talk. They cannot think a good thing. They cannot see or support genius.’

‘What good is it to have nothing and to rail at the world for it not giving itself to you? You want consolation? You want consolation for being clever.’

‘One day,’ I said, ‘You will understand what it means to be Medea, the intelligent foreign woman that is surrounded by the hostile and inferior minds around you, that is jilted and has her love stolen away from her. One day, you will understand this Greek myth. And one day, you will know that all the genius can think of is the revenge of success when his status will be restored as the hero. It is something that Euripides was dimly aware of.’

the bravery of the writer, the polymath and the anarchist

30.04.2026

A: Do you not think it is foolish to write in this day and age, to be a thinker, to be a speaker? They would gnash at you and claw your throat for expressing an opinion.

S: The mark of the writer is that he is brave. Braver than most. He expresses what he thinks with no apology. He does express an opinion. And not only the opinion, but also himself.

A: And you count yourself as brave?

S: As the bravest. Because I say exactly what I think. I am published and I am damned by them.

A: You are always boasting about how brave you are.

S: The only thing that stays the steel is compassion.

A: How brave are you?

S: It is brave to be a writer. To have a voice. To stand up against everyone. To be different. It is brave to be a polymath. To go into whatever field seems tempting and to become an expert in it. To have the bravery of the self to be able to bend this mind to anything and everything. To do degree after degree, starting from scratch every time for the long haul and to plan to do degrees after that in the future. To be a generalist in a world that insists on blind tunnel vision and specialisation. It is brave to be an anarchist. To believe in the self when no one would have you believe in the self. To go up against the biggest bully, threat and terrorist in the world which is the state. To go up against the slaves to the state and their bullshit. To go up against this world in every way. This mind is brave. This body is brave too. Everything about me is brave. Because I am the hero. I am the god. I am The Tiger.

A: Is not bravery foolish?

S: It is only foolish to be a coward. Because a coward lacks the wisdom of bravery. The truly brave, they have thought about what it is to be a coward. They have fully gauged the contempt of cowardice, its limitations. The brave are free. The coward is a slave. The coward cannot become a writer. Because he is scared to express himself and cares too much what others think, others that can do fuck all except for judge, and that incorrectly too. The coward cannot become a polymath. The coward lacks wits. The coward cannot dare different fields. The coward cannot be an anarchist. Because a slave cannot become the most powerful. The slave cannot go against the bully that is the state. They fear and therefore they obey and lick boots.

A: Boast after boast.

S: All justified my good boy. Everyone in this world searches for freedom. And I? I am free. The free are brave.

convenience in love

29.04.2026

S: The one time that I went on a speed date, all the women could think of to keep on asking about was where I lived.

A: So?

S: It was a question that did not even occur to me. Because all they cared about was convenience in love. Whereas genuine love is decidedly inconvenient.

A: What do you mean?

S: They are born into this country and this culture. And here, for love, for the most part, they want you to be a clone of them. They want you to have the same background and culture. They want you to be in no way inconveniently different. They want you to be local. They fall in love with those that just happen to be around them, whether or not they are suitable. And as to the proposition that love is decidedly inconvenient? The ones that I have loved, I would have to fight for them. I would have to give up things for them. In short, love for me is not easy. For them it is easy. There is no cost to their love.

A: They also give their hearts.

S: But with many, many conditions. I give my heart unconditionally. I am actually a hero in love.

A: What do you mean by that?

S: The story of Hero and Leander. He swims every night across the dangerous Hellespont to see her. The story of Romeo and Juliet. He fights with everyone to love her. The hero of the love story loves one that is inconvenient. His love is inconvenient. His love is not lazy. His love is hard, hard work. That is why I am the hero. Nothing comes to me easily. I fight for everything tooth and nail.

A: They do not see you as the hero. They see you as the villain.

S: In this world, if you are a real man, if you are Indian, if you are Punjabi, if you are The Tiger, this world sees you as the enemy. Because you expose their corruption through your desires and your very being. They would destroy the desire and love of The Tiger. That is what they ask him to do, to kill his love. That is their biggest demand. Yet, still, The Tiger is love. He is named after the god of love. He is love. And that is why, in reality, they are the villains and he is the hero. In this love story, The Tiger is the hero. Because The Tiger accepts inconvenience, difference, the war that is love. If in love’s war, each lover is devastated, devastated, The Tiger accepts devastation. Even if he can never win in love, The Tiger loves. Because the love of the god is endless.

the illusion of joining

24.04.2026

S: Men live by a number of illusions.

A: Such as?

S: The illusion that we are not all alone.

A: Alone in what sense?

S: There is nobody and nothing. Men yearn to be a part of something greater than themselves. To join to society and others. Yet there is no joining to others. It is all illusion. There is only the naked self.

A: You feel disconnection?

S: In Descartes, he asks this question. How do you know that other people have thoughts and are not robots? In short, how do we know that only we do not exist? How can you guarantee that other people actually exist? How do we know that we are human and that they are also human, like us? In other words, the reality of being human is that we do not know if we are all alone. This is the foundation of modern philosophy in the West.

A: You however, are a critic of Descartes and mind body dualism. Because you believe that you are a body and nothing else. That there is no split between the mind and the body.

S: Let’s come back to this idea however. How do you know that you are not all alone?

A: Surely you have connected with others. Surely you have felt their humanity?

S: One assumes that they are human like us. One uses oneself as a reference point. But how does one know that they are human? In fact, how does one know that the self is human in the first place?

A: Do you honestly believe that there is no community?

S: I have spent four years going around London seeking connection. Just one connection. Just one person. I have some experience of this. I do not say things without any basis in fact. I am not like the liars in this society.

A: Whatever your experience, you will eventually have to buy into this illusion that there are others. That there is a community.

S: The reason that I am The Tiger is because the tiger is a solitary beast. The tiger hunts alone. That is why The Tiger is the king of the jungle. Because he is a solitary beast. He is all alone. That is destiny. Destiny, you cannot fight. They have a community and connection. The Tiger stands by himself. The community that he represents is the dream of the poet and the guru. The just community, not this one of lies and not much else. I have accepted that I am all alone.

A: The man of the community says that there is no community. The one that serves the community says that there is no community.

S: There is only isolation. Nothing else. Whatever you do, eventually all that is left is you and the mirror. That is what Descartes was saying.

dishonourable peace or honourable revolution

21.04.2026

A: The words ‘peace’ and ‘revolution’ in Hindi rhyme. ‘Shanti’ and ‘Kranti’.

S: What would you rather have? Shanti ya kranti? Peace or Revolution?

A: I am sure that most people would say peace.

S: I do not.

A: You would rather not have calm in your life?

S: Where peace is dishonourable, it is unacceptable. The choice is simple.

A: You think the Revolution is honourable?

S: What else?

A: Why talk always about honour?

S: Because we come from the honour society. We are honour. The Mother who we worship is our honour.

A: How is peace dishonourable?

S: Do you know what Sophie Scholl’s last words were before the Nazis killed her for resisting them? She said, “How can we expect righteousness to prevail when there is hardly anyone willing to give himself up individually to a righteous cause?” We are living in the times of the fascists. We are living in the times of the haters and the cowards. We are living in the time of discrimination, injustice and lies. To accept peace on their terms, with those that are dishonourable, is tantamount to being dishonourable onself. And if we have spent our whole life fighting for our honour, for the honour of our mother, how could we look at ourselves in the mirror or look anyone else in the face? To have honour is to be righteous. It is to fight for righteousness. The Revolution over a dishonourable peace every time.

A: What is so honourable about The Revolution?

S: The Revolution is against the dishonourable in the name of honour, of The Mother’s honour. The Mother is honour. The Mother is us.

A: They hate you for saying that The Mother is honour and that she is your honour.

S: So what? Everything that they say and do is delusion and oppression. It is a lie. Their thoughts are lies and their lives are lies. One does not listen to a fool or a coward. That is what they do. Not us. We are Punjabi. We are the Tigers of Punjab. A real man does not listen to those that would make him a non-man.

A: Live without calm. Live without peace.

S: I am blessed that I live without peace. I am blessed that I am the warrior. I am blessed that I have chosen The Revolution. Because in The Revolution there is glory, the bliss of glory. There is only one lack. A warrior worthy to be the enemy of The Tiger. The enemy does not have a Karana in their midst. All they have is corruption.

A: You are an intellectual terrorist. That is what they think of you.

S: The intellectual terrorist is them. They live their law through coercion and duress. Their taxes and their exploitation of the Oppressed is gained through coercion and duress. They pretend there is the illusion of choice and freedom when all they have is their cage and their prison. Their thought is a cage and a prison. Their thought is violence against us and The Mother. Yes, they are the intellectual terrorists. And I? I am god. I am the liberator. I am The Tiger. I am freedom. The ungovernable wild beast.

at the end of the long day

19.04.2026

S: It is the end of the long day. What is there to say now?

A: One can reflect upon a day, a moment, a life.

S: You ask for me to reflect? In this day, aside from work, I went upon the Cutty Sark. I went to a charity bookshop. I went to a fayre where I bought a biography of Marilyn Munroe for three pounds. I listened to music concerts all day. I went to Canary Wharf to look upon the waterfront and the big skyscrapers. I went into the parks around the Embankment. I had dinner with my girlfriend. I learnt Spanish, French, Hindi, Punjabi and Urdu. I read psychology articles. I learnt Art History. I ate a chocolate profiterole dessert from Marks and Spencer’s. I listened to Hindi music from the films.

A: Are you not tired? You have spent this whole week rushing around.

S: You know that I do not get tired. Especially when the sun is out. But as I was walking the Cutty Sark, which is a boat that is stationary, I thought to myself that this is a metaphor for self-reflection. We are upon the journey of life. But then, we take out a moment from this journey. The ship stops sailing. We explore the frozen journey, to find out where it is taking us, what it is. We become explorers of the pause.

A: Where would you like this journey to take you?

S: To the beating heart of the enemy.

A: That is your wish? You could have love.

S: One loves the enemy. One wants to clutch at the enemy. To hold them the closest. So that one could squeeze what is inside out of them.

A: Forget enmity. You are the lover. You have a lover.

S: To forget the enemy is to forget myself. I am the warrior.

A: Forget. Tell me a story.

S: Once there was this king that rinsed everything outside of himself because of her. And she watched him rinsing everything out of himself as he grew smaller and smaller. He almost became too small and she did nothing to stop him. Because she enjoyed how much she tormented him and wanted to see if there was any limit to what he would do for her. There was not. But one day, when he was at the end, when there was almost nothing left to rinse, this king stopped. She did not love him. She was not the lover. She was only one that he thought that he knew and loved. She had not liked that he was the king and would want him diminished. He cast her off. And there was so much in him that even now there was more than anyone else. And he kept on growing and growing. He was the splendour of the sun.

A: What happened to her?

S: The life of those without love is the everyday story of the people here. Ask any of them how they live their loveless lives of lies, hate and oppression. That is her story too.

the characteristics of the arrogant

12.04.2026

S: What do you think of arrogance?

A: What do you mean? Does not everyone hate it?

S: Not at all. The leaders that the people vote in are all arrogant. There is right wing fascism taking over the world right now. The incapable are in power with just bluster and bullshit. How can you say that the people hate arrogance? They love it.

A: The typical jaded view.

S: Do you know the ones? They were and are and will be self-absorbed narcissists, arrogant and preening bastards. Without much to offer. And yet, they find that they have love, adulation, relationships, money, everything.

A: Why not become like them?

S: Don’t you always tell me that I am one of them? That I always boast and strut around?

A: You are not arrogant. You never talk down to anyone. You merely change the canter of the horse for each individual.

S: At the same time, I believe I am the best. That there is no one better. What do you think of that?

A: It comes down to the distinction that they make between confidence and arrogance. A woman will like confidence she says. But not arrogance.

S: The thin line. The line of discretion.

A: Tell me the characteristics of the arrogant.

S: The arrogant cannot listen to anyone else. They are deaf. The arrogant cannot see anyone else. They are blind. The arrogant can only see their own perspective, no one else’s. The arrogant believe themselves to be morally superior to everyone else, that there can be no better way of doing things. The arrogant believe that they are entitled to all the good things in the world. They should be the writers, artists, singers, managers, lovers. The arrogant have had every privilege handed to them in life from birth. They are first born sons. They are born rich. They are born into the dominant culture, the culture of domination. They might be exceptional in some way, like looks for instance. Which have gone to their head.

A: This composite is based on what?

S: A lifetime of looking. Do you not remember that I have been to a grammar school and the London School of Economics? I have studied with the richest people in London and the country and the world. I have worked with many managers over a lifetime. I know exactly what they think – that everything is for them, that no one is better than them. And they will ruthlessly crush real talent when it rises from someone down the food chain that will not kow tow to them. The example is standing before you.

A: How can you fight them if you do not become them? You have to become an authority.

S: If to become an authority means to sell your soul and your identity, it is not worth it. If power comes to evil, then power has to be forsaken. Resistance is honesty, the honesty of humility.

A: You say that you are humble. You have never accepted anyone’s authority or claim to power above yourself.

S: I am named after god. I am god. I am named after The Tiger. I am The Tiger. I am absolute power on this earth. Only The Mother is above me and she dwells not on earth, but in heaven. I am the anarchist. I accept no one above me. I accept no greater earthly power.

A: Is this not arrogance?

S: We come to shades of thought. This is self-belief. This is confidence. I am the splendour of Punjab, of India. I am the son of the soil. I am the champion of the people. I am their ego. Yet, I listen to others. I try to understand others. I try to see through their eyes. I serve them. Because a king does not rule, he serves the people. I come from a Sikh background as well as a Hindu one. We serve the community. We protect the community. And that means putting their needs above our needs. Putting their wants above our wants. They have prayed for a hero to protect the honour of The Mother. And the hero has been born into humble conditions where he has learnt humility. The hero cannot be arrogance. As Gandhi remembered, the leader of the people has abject humility and embraces poverty. He rejects show for substance. And the sin of unjustified false pride for justified recognition of the splendour that is The Mother and her representative on earth, The Tiger.

the heaviness of thought

08.04.2026

S: Have you ever wondered, how heavy is a thought?

A: Can you weigh a thought?

S: Sadness is when the thoughts become too heavy. They take on the aspect of concrete. You feel low because you are bowed down because of the heaviness of thought. You feel exhausted with sadness because you are bearing the load of the heavy thought. They say that when you are sad, that you are bearing the load of the world upon your shoulders. That is the heaviness of thought.

A: You are confusing metaphors and language with the reality of an experience.

S: But metaphors, as Nietzsche said, are what make up our reality. Language is what makes up our reality.

A: You are trying to say that the reality of the space time continuum and the very fabric of the cosmos shift when you are sad and emotional?

S: This is precisely what I am saying. Gravity only becomes real when you are sad. Gravity only becomes a factor when you have the heaviness of thought in your head. The mental and the physical planes align in sadness.

A: And when you are happy?

S: Then, gravity disappears. You have the lightness of being.

A: But surely, you have the lightness of being in sadness? Being is so light that the heaviness of thought can wear it down.

S: You have a point. What is this cheap and flimsy, insubstantial life and this mind that is prey to sadness and suffering?

A: Do you make a metaphysical claim about emotions and reality, that emotions shape the reception of the cosmos in the body?

S: It is perception that makes the world what it is, this physical world. This is what the theories in science are at the moment.

A: Your perception is that of the sad man, of the cynic, the pessimist and the realist, of the minority, of the marginalised.

S: Nonetheless, it is a factor in perception. And you have to also remember the power of The Tiger. We are the truth. Reality comes to us in another way, to the community of Tigers.

A: India says be not sad, life is beautiful.

S: The world gives us sorrow. The world straps the load of sadness onto us. In the morning, we struggle to rise with this load. But still we stand on our feet. This world burdens us with cares and the lack of love. Life is heaviness. Still, still, the ambition of the community asks us to work. While we carry this unfair load. The ambition of the community, its hope, they ask us to live. Amidst this death.

the fear of contentment

01.03.2026

S: I fear contentment.

A: Why?

S: It is the hunger that makes The Tiger what he is. When you look at singers, boxers, actors, they are always their best when they are hungry for it. Not when they have made it.

A: How can you keep the hunger alive?

S: This is the fear. I have money. I have a girlfriend. I have many jobs. I have been published everywhere for serious writing. I don’t want the contentment to eat up my ambition.

A: There is one thing that you don’t have. Children.

S: That is very true. And I also do not have fame.

A: So can you not keep on with the hunger?

S: I want to see our community advance. I want to be the champion for the Dalits, the Oppressed. I want the name of our family to be known.

A: Is that not hunger enough?

S: I fear that one day I will put the pen down, that I will put the brush down, that I will put the camera down. I fear that one day I will give up.

A: You have not given up. You have been at this writing game ever since you were a youngster. However little love or reward you have been given, you have kept up at it.

S: The second book. I have not been able to work on it.

A: Your project was to find love. You are allowed to have a life. You cannot live solely for the people.

S: Gaining this love, I don’t want it to kill my hunger.

A: You fear selfishness, happiness. You fear contentment. You are allowed and deserve to be happy. Just remember The People, The Mother and The Revolution. Be the names of power, the prayer of The People, The Tiger, god.

S: We are in a race. Tiredness threatens to overcome.

A: Remember your promise. You are a man too and not just the community.