03.01.2025

S: There is one sure way into hell. Fall in love with one that does not love you.

A: Forget.

S: Do you know, to relieve a cat of stress, all you need is a cardboard box? It is a refuge, a hiding place. I am a man and a cardboard box cannot do. Instead I lie in my bed, unable to rise. The bed is my box. The refuge and the hiding place. The thoughts pin you down, the ache.

A: But in the end, you do rise.

S: Somehow. It is a massive effort of will.

A: What is the bed?

S: It is death. I am in love with death. When Freud wrote of the death instinct, he was right. When your love is not fulfilled, that is what you crave. Death.

A: Don’t let them win. Do not die.

S: Every day, I play at death. But then life comes. Life over death. Love over hate, apathy and indifference. Death is so sweet, so sweet.

A: You will beat this. Think of them. Nothing touches them. They have a train of admirers, one after the other. You are nothing to them. They do not think of you. They never loved you.

S: The mind says to live. The heart says to die. We will see the result when the sun rises once more.

A: Think of the present.

S: The past is precarious and the present is uncertain. Does the future hold any hope?

02.12.2025

S: They ask me what I look at when I look into their eyes. What I think.

A: What is it?

S: Their eyes are intoxication. They are intoxication. I am one who is drunk when they set their eyes upon me. I do not think. I am no longer sober. Simply I look and I am drunk by their eyes.

A: Beauty is a trap for the eyes.

S: You cannot understand beauty from afar. It asks for closeness. Just another closer look. Then another. Then another.

A: Do you think you can unfold the secrets in their eyes?

S: All of the facets of the jewels that make up the elements of their eyes, all of their whispers and murmurings, can a genius understand them?

A: Can a genius love?

S: Does not love call for a genius of its own?

A: A genius of intoxication?

S: The Tiger looks into the eyes of one that is his. He drinks from those eyes of bewitchment. The more he drinks, the thirstier he is. The more he is bewitched. The spell is strong, the intoxication is strong.

A: And the one that is Tiger’s?

S: They look back. In their eyes there is the mystery. They are the enigma.

01.12.2025

A: It is the time of change and transformation. It is the New Year.

S: This taste of the Revolution, it passes quickly for the sheep. They forget quickly. This taste is what we have prepared our dishes for our whole life.

A: There is change but there is constancy.

S: Yes, I still feel the shadow of the embrace of the Mother goddess. Her arms are around my neck and back. My body is colliding with hers and the heat grows. I am connected to her like I am connected to the body of my lover. She is my anchor to the world and the heavens. She saves me and gives me support.

A: You know that she is not real.

S: She is the ideal. The ideal warrior. Love and protection. The fight. The hero. Power itself.

A: You embrace a thought?

S: It was her that rescued me. The Mother Goddess. The things we cannot speak of, the secrets. I was dead and she gave me life. From the pain came The Mother and she was Love.

A: You ask for the embrace?

S: I long for it again to savour her form, to get close to her. I am her son and her lover. To feel her just once more in my life, the wish of the fighter.

31.12.2025

A: It is the New Year. Forgive.

S: Why? Why should I? They have not reformed themselves. They have done nothing worthy of forgiveness. Instead, they capitalise on their injustice and hate. They are oppressors.

A: So you seethe with judgement?

S: Yes. And I remove them from my life, my love and my friendship. They are false. I am not.

A: Yet you spill outrage and criticism.

S: One renounces and denounces.

A: In aid of what?

S: What else is there but our words and thoughts? This world inspires great anger. And it is the people of the world that make it what it is. I have had to swallow them and their hate and falsity. Now, I spit it out. I vomit them out from my stomach.

A: They hate the bitter.

S: You are wrong. They are addicted to coffee with its bitter dregs. And let them hate. It is what they do best. They would silence the one that calls out injustice and their caprice. They wound and then expect no retaliation. They cut and reject and expect no remonstrance. They do wrong and expect no judgement. They anger, and then outlaw anger.

A: The hero of words.

S: You sneer but what else is there? All we have is our our words so we have a word. They do not listen because they cannot. They do not mend their ways because they cannot. So I remove myself from the equation. Live without them. And forgiveness? Perhaps when I am dead.

30.12.25

S: The veil of the night parted and I saw the stars denuded. They were the jewels of the sky, exquisite in their craftsmanship and their allure.

A: The lover beside you, did the lover sigh?

S: I felt the closeness of the lover, their warmth.

A: And did you feel the closeness of the stars?

S: I felt their light growing in my heart, their beauty in my mind.

A: Did you feel the universe entire?

S: I felt the fire of the stars. I felt total connection to all that there is. I felt the belonging of the fire and the acceptance of the fire.

A: The star is fire far away.

S: It is not true. The star is in my grasp. The fire filled me as I breathed in the cold, crisp air. My lover is the star. The star is my lover.

A: A moment to treasure?

S: An eternity lived in a moment.

A: I wish that you may look into the star again.

S: I hope the night falls and the Diwali of heaven comes again.

30.12.2025

S: A boy called Leonardo loved the birds. He watched the birds. He wanted to be the birds.

The genius felt the spirit of the birds.

A: You talk enough of this.

S: Drenched in the grey colours of sorrow, waiting indefinitely for a chance to move, I looked up into the trees. There were pigeons frolicking in the heights above mere man. Whatever my genius, I can never be the bird.

A: Why the bird?

S: You cannot curse the bird.

A: And?

S: A man does not possess the freedom of the bird. Nomads, they wander in the realm of the heavens. They do not have to deal with the haters, non-men and cowards like the genius, those that think they are human but are not. The birds do not have to taste the cheapness and meanness that is this life in this culture and this world.

A: Cut off the shackles that bind you to this world. Become the bird. Become free.

S: Freedom is hungry. Freedom asks for an army.

A: The Tiger is not the bird. You were born to fight. To defend the honour of The Mother. You cannot escape destiny.

S: There will never be the day when we fly in heaven. The earth demands.

29.12.2025

S: These fucking bastards. These shit eaters. Every thing that you want, they stand in front of you with their prejudice, their stupidity and their bullshit. Blocking you.

A: Would you have life easy and live in their privilege?

S: They say that I am privileged because I am a man. Fucking unbelievable. Ignoring the facts that I am an ethnic minority from the working classes and the low castes, an Untouchable. All the money I have earned myself in jobs below my station working every available overtime since I was sixteen, the same as my father, which have made me well off, now they say I am privileged. Fucking unbelievable. They are scum.

A: Who cares what they think? They couldn’t even hold you down. You are a Curator, a professional photographer, a professional writer, a commissioned artist. Whatever ambition you have had you have had, teaching, whatever, you have done it. You have had it. Despite them.

S: That is the operative phrase. Despite them. Working for peanuts or nothing.  And yet, you cannot achieve the next level. Because of them. They close all the paths with their bias.

A: What would you do with this success now? The time has passed.

S: You are right. That family is never going to come. They have fucked me.

A: You will give up?

S: The people expect. They prayed for me to come into this world. Destiny demands deeds. I am a genius. Genius is a gift you have to give to this cold and ungrateful world.

28.12.2025

S: Do you think someone that has been sad for so long can bear happiness?

A: Why do you say that? Can you not bear happiness?

S: Perhaps. But who can? If you asked anyone in this world, do you think that they would say that they are happy?

A: You are happy. You have someone. You are not alone any more. You have so many good, close friends. How can you be unhappy now?

S: Can you forget the past so easily and all the ones you have lost?

A: Death is natural and to be expected.

S: But it is not just the question of the dead. It is the ones that I have been forced to take out of my life. When they were my life. The family that I could have had…

A: Don’t let them become ghosts that haunt you. That family did not happen. It is not real. Don’t mourn the unreal.

S: So we listen to sad songs in the midst of happiness. Songs of betrayal and the death of love. Sad songs in the midst of happiness.

27.12.2025

S: I don’t care what they say about it or what anyone else thinks about it. They are racist bastards. They are fucking vermin.

A: You think they would admit it?

S: They will fuck you over with a smile. They enjoy it. They are liars and frauds. They are backstabbers and cowards. They are evil. Of course they would never admit it. They deny their evil because they know it is evil. They are fakes. They are not human.

A: Why this tirade?

S: It is not of now. It is what I know throughout life.

A: How?

S: Who do you think has ever helped me or given me an opportunity when it comes to money or status? I am one of the most talented men in this country. Top grades. Massive achievements. Every job I have done I have been a top employee. And where is the reward? There is only one explanation. Racism and jealousy. They are threatened by me and try to keep me and us down. They have shown how much they love us.

A: What would you do? There is nothing you can do about it.

S: But you can always say the truth. That they are vermin. That they have no hearts. That they think they are better than us over nothing. But they are much worse than us. They are not even human. They are monsters. Monsters that deny their monstrosity, that call us mad and liars. I point the finger. I am the truth. I am a man and not a monster.