good grades

08.03.2026

A: How have you kept up motivation for four years of university study while you work seventy or more hours a week? How can you even be on for a Distinction?

S: Tiger is hunger. If Tiger was not hunger, he would not be The Tiger.

A: What is this hunger for learning?

S: The mind of The Tiger is the mind of a genius. The genius does not ask permission to be a genius. He just is. The Tiger does not need to work hard to be a genius, although this Tiger does work hard. Everything comes easily to a genius.

A: But hunger?

S: Stimulation. The ability to do the work and the thinking is sorely wanted. And there is another factor.

A: Which is?

S: In India, they would not let our people learn. They kept us down. By denying us an education. This hunger is for the people.

A: So you will take three different undergraduate degrees as well as your masters and your doctorate.

S: Do you know why I studied Art History at university level? Because Rishi Sunak told us not to do any degrees that he considered useless. I am culture. I am India. I am the eye of Punjab. I am the scholar in the war, the warrior. They cannot manacle this mind. I am freedom. So in protest at this government and its dismantling of the humanities, I did that degree out of anger and spite. I am the Revolutionary and I believe in the Revolution. We will change vision.

A: Your beliefs are ridiculous. No one agrees with anything that you say.

S: I do not need the ignorant and the idiotic to agree with anything that I say. This hunger for learning, no one can quell it. I have seen tomorrow because I am the past, the present and the future. I am The Tiger. It is the wisest that truly rule in this world. I am the leader of thought. I know my importance in the world of thought. I know my place. There is only one place for the genius: at the top. That is the hunger for the good grades which I am getting. The competition of thought. And I will see Punjab as the winner. The French have had their turn. The Germans have had their turn. Now it is Punjab’s turn. The dominant have had their turn on the podium. Now it is the turn for The Oppressed, the Dalits. Jai Maa Kaali! Inquilaab zindabaad! (Hail the Dark Mother! Long Live The Revolution!)

recovering from the night of joy

07.03.2026

A: You have a lot of stamina, spinning all these plates constantly.

S: I come from the poor. I come from farmer stock. We are superhuman and we are invincible. Nothing and no one can crush us.

A: You look well on it.

S: That is well. Because I am recovering from the night of joy.

A: Really? What was this night?

S: There was one who I was with and we explored the magic of this world together.

A: A fellow traveller?

S: One who holds my hands and meets my eyes.

A: And how do you recover from the dark night together?

S: The drug that enfolds the mind is strong. The heart is full but longs for more. Her picture comes to the eyes. The skin remembers her touch, this hand her hand. The words that she spoke still dance and I still learn the choreography of her face and body in every moment.

A: These nights of joy suit you.

S: Why not? I am the poet and the lover.

the strangers

06.03.2026

S: Have you ever heard of Freud’s theory of the uncanny?

A: Go on.

S: The doubling of the homely and the unhomely, the familiar and the unfamiliar?

A: Why?

S: It seems to characterise my relationships with this world and its people.

A: In what way?

S: They come into your life. You feel that you know them. But you do not know them. It is the appearance of knowing and familiarity. When, in fact, it is unfamiliarity and unknowing.

A: How much do you need to know about someone?

S: Apparently not that much. Because most relationships are incredibly superficial.

A: You are living in the world of the unfamiliar?

S: Some people, I have known for almost four years or longer. And still, they are not friends. They do not share anything. You cannot share anything with them. You are surrounded in your life by strangers who you kind of know. You are surrounded by the unfamiliar which challenges the boundaries of what is familiar.

A: How does it feel to live in the uncanny?

S: I wonder if it is the predicament of the ethnic minority man. That is what I would imagine. But then, that is what you always have to wonder when you are an ethnic minority man. I wonder if it is because I am different. And I know that it is because I am different. Difference is unacceptable in this culture. You are consigned to look upon them as a different form of life removed from you. And they even have a problem with that, when it is what they have done to you when they made you the outsider.

the unequal bargain between the world and the genius

05.03.2026

S: If you investigate thoroughly, you will see that life is not fair.

A: How so?

S: Look at these wars in Iran. What have the common people done to deserve these deaths and these atrocities? It is the politicians that have inspired the fight. Yet, who suffers? The innocent. It is always the innocent that suffer.

A: Sometimes you say the people are one with the politicians.

S: It is the dirtiness and the ubiquity and omnipotence of the state for these worshippers of the state. They do not have the courage to do without the state. They cannot rule themselves like we can. They are not powerful like we are. They do not believe in themselves. They believe in the state. Where we would see its death, all they want is to breathe their life into the state.

A: How else is life unfair?

S: The young, they will inherit a barren earth because of the selfishness and greed of these around us, their ignorance and apathy. The exploited of the earth have nothing. The ones that choose who will work and who will play, who can say that their decisions are fair? The lottery of life. I have been born into a country with wealth while others starve and sing for pennies.

A: A bad account of the world all around.

S: Have you ever also considered the unequal bargain between the world and the genius? The world gives the genius nothing but hate and apathy and misunderstanding. And the genius? Because of his wisdom, the genius gives the world everything as a gift. The fact that genius has to be a gift with no reward and no recognition tells you about this world. It is exploitation. It is cruelty. It is selfishness and greed. It is arrogance.

A: How can you change the unfairness of the world?

S: I will not be like them and lie to say that the world is fair. I will not close my eyes to the truth. I will call it out. What else is there? You think these will let the world become fair? Of course not. It serves them to be unfair and they benefit from its unfairness.

food

04.03.2026

A: Have you finished telling everyone off yet?

S: Not yet. And they need something more than telling off to learn their lesson.

A: I’ve told you not to start with that. What did you have for dinner? Salmon with boiled vegetables and potatoes. Trump that.

S: Food is not a competition, whatever this culture tells you.

A: Is that a way of saying that dinner did not come up to the mark?

S: Your dinner is not bad. But actually, I had Chicken Panang Curry, Thai Green Chicken and Rice Curry and a beautifully zingy lemon tart for dinner. Even though I was completely satiated, my mouth is watering just thinking of the meal again. The wonderful concoctions and genius of M and S.

A: What did you think of while you were eating?

S: How incredible it all was. I am a sensualist. And I had never eaten Chicken Panang curry before.

A: A top meal. What are your other favourites again?

S: Chicken Shish kebabs, Doner Kebab, Special fried rice, Chicken in black bean sauce, Roast lamb, Pigs in blankets, Chicken Tikka Masala, Chicken biryani, Mutton curry, flame grilled burgers, Kentucky fried chicken, southern fried chicken fillet burgers, curried salmon, fish and chips, Fried aubergine curry, soured yoghurt with dumplings, chocolates of various descriptions, Turkish delight…

A: Whoa there! I didn’t ask you to list every single food ever invented.

S: I told you that I am a sensualist. I enjoy my food more than most.

A: With that thin stomach no one would ever know how much you ate.

S: I have a theory about that.

A: Pray tell.

S: You know I am a genius? My brain is massive. And the brain consumes most of the energy in the body to keep it going. Hence why I eat double or triple what other people eat. And it is all just burnt up.

A: It is just a theory.

S: I think I’ve told you before. When I was born, the nurses couldn’t believe how much milk I was drinking. They’d never seen a new born baby drinking that much milk. I’m naturally intelligent. I don’t have to work hard at things that I’m interested in.

A: Milk for the egotist.

S: I told you that I eat like a king.

A: You are proud of that?

S: You can’t tell? It is a source of great satisfaction. Whatever else happens in this world, I am always eating like a king. Whatever I want. Whenever I want. However much I want. Who else can say that?

why do anything?

04.03.2026

A: Why do anything?

S: Why do you ask?

A: You are always saying that nothing that you do ever bears any fruit.

S: It’s true enough. You cannot prosper in a world of hostility and racism, of injustice and immorality. Unless you become one of them.

A: Come, answer the question. Why don’t you quit?

S: There is a type of person that will make things so unliveable that they would force you to quit. And they are not going to win. They will block everything and every ambition because they are evil. But the duty is to go on despite them. Because talent is one thing that will always show itself and show every enemy up.

A: That is not answering the question. Why don’t you quit?

S: That is what they want. I have answered it.

A: So you will not quit out of spite?

S: You know, this writing game that I am in, it has been going on throughout my whole life. And what have I got out of this writing game? Nobody cares that I am a doctor. Nobody cares about all of the work that I have published. Nobody is ever impressed, I never get any money out of these things. There is no network. There is little satisfaction. Yet I keep on writing.

A: Why?

S: Because, despite starvation and marginalisation, despite getting nothing out of it, I have the ability to keep on going. Out of spite. Out of stubborness. Out of genius. The genius creates. I am god. God accepts no limitation.

A: It seems perverse.

S: Me? Or them? Their perversity makes me perverse. Their stubborness makes me stubborn. Their spite makes me spiteful.

A: It seems like an unusual contest. You will keep putting up words. And they will keep ignoring the words. Nothing will change.

S: Why do you think this world is what it is? They cannot hear a different point of view or accept difference. They keep it at bay. That is what preserves their world. And I? I am difference. Genuine difference. A mind that comes every few hundred years or so. I believe in my value which they will not give me. I believe that I have the gift. And whatever they do, they are not going to take away that belief or that talent. Whatever they do, that belief is undying and eternal. Because I am The Tiger, the prayer of the People and The Mother.

lack of care

03.03.2026

A: Do you actually care if someone gets offended if you think they are racist?

S: Not really. If you’re not racist, you should prove it by your actions by accepting people that are different to you and helping them. If you don’t help people that are different to you and hold them back and deny them opportunities and won’t give them stuff that you can give them, when you will very easily give it to someone that is not different to you, then you’re just as bad as the rest of the racists. So why would I care if I offended them? They are actually hurting me badly themselves.

A: How do you know they are racists?

S: They are not going to admit it, are they? And I don’t care if they are doing it unconsciously. That’s always their defence. I didn’t know what I was doing.

A: But that doesn’t mean that they are racists.

S: There’s a very simple concept. Occam’s razor. The simplest explanation with the fewest assumptions is the correct one. So, I could either accept that the massive range of experience, qualifications and skills that I have, that this remarkable work ethic and genius are inadequate. Which is literally ridiculous to accept. I could either accept that someone else is on my level and better than me. Which is again ridiculous. It’s an impossible assumption. Or, bearing in mind my life experiences and knowing what this culture is like, I can assume that someone is a racist. And that is the simplest explanation with the fewest assumptions.

A: You can’t prove anything.

S: Do you think that they can prove that I can’t do the job? And yet I don’t get the job. Based on their ridiculous assumptions.

A: Mutual suspicion.

S: Which they have done nothing to alleviate. Because the only thing that would alleviate the suspicion is opportunities, aid and acceptance. Which they cannot give.

A: What about your personality? You think that you are perfect?

S: Anyone that judges me, I judge them back worse. Judgement is about power. And I am the most powerful. I am the judge. Not them. They have not one ounce of fairness in them. Or truth.

A: Don’t you think that your whole philosophy is egotistical?

S: I don’t accept their validation. I don’t accept their judgement. I have self confidence and belief. They can’t do anything that I can do. Their minds are not as wise. They are not geniuses. They don’t even work as hard as I do. They can’t keep all of these plates spinning like I do. Why would I accept their viewpoint on anything? They are jealous of me. That’s all there is. Envy and bias, prejudice and assumptions. Obviously, they are going to try and say they are fair and that their world is fair. So what? I don’t trust them and because they don’t accept me, I don’t accept them. They would do well to read the statistics on ethnicity and how it affects life instead of pretending there is no such thing as racism and they are not a part of it. They should stop deluding themselves that they are good people.

opening the heart

03.03.2026

S: In Hindi, they say ‘dil khol ke kuch karo’. That is, when you are going to do it, do it by opening your heart.

A: So?

S: It is good advice for this cold and hostile world. Because they do everything with their hearts closed.

A: What do you mean?

S: Look at their culture. They want to take emotions out of everything. They think that makes things subjective. When everything is in fact based on emotions, so it just an instance of cant and hypocrisy.

A: Anything more? I know you don’t believe in claims of objectivity. Neither do I.

S: Then, their culture is gatekeeping, excluding and marginalising. That is not the mark of an open heart. Not to mention other repressions.

A: To conclude?

S: Look at the state of the world right now. War after war. Hate and intolerance. Exploitation on a mass scale. Lying and hypocrisy. Patently we live in an era where an open heart is rare. An era where an open heart has no value.

A: Do you have an open heart?

S: Yes. And that is suffering in this world.

a celebration

02.03.2026

S: I celebrated a significant milestone in my relationship today.

A: What did you do?

S: A drink together. Holding hands. A journey together. Kissing lips and hands and necks and cheeks. Feeling bodies. Talking, joking. Looking into each other’s eyes. Planning time together. Planning the future together.

A: And the rest of the day?

S: A million different things at work. Before work, weights, meditation, chi building, a shave. On the commute, reading newspapers and a book about botany and history. Listening to Hindi film music. Shopping for lunch, which was Spanish rice, salad and mackerel in tomato sauce. At lunchtime, walking to the Oxfam bookshop at Holborn and buying art prints and browsing books. Messaging a friend from a war torn country. After work, that date, then language learning on the journey home in Hindi, Punjabi, Urdu, Spanish, French and German. German being the new addition, although I remember a fair bit from school. Reading articles about psychology.

A: And next?

S: Reading a French novel by Stendhal, ‘The Red and the Black’.

A: A day of much.

S: My days are much in these days. Life has retained its business and acquired happiness. After all, it is about time.

the fear of contentment

01.03.2026

S: I fear contentment.

A: Why?

S: It is the hunger that makes The Tiger what he is. When you look at singers, boxers, actors, they are always their best when they are hungry for it. Not when they have made it.

A: How can you keep the hunger alive?

S: This is the fear. I have money. I have a girlfriend. I have many jobs. I have been published everywhere for serious writing. I don’t want the contentment to eat up my ambition.

A: There is one thing that you don’t have. Children.

S: That is very true. And I also do not have fame.

A: So can you not keep on with the hunger?

S: I want to see our community advance. I want to be the champion for the Dalits, the Oppressed. I want the name of our family to be known.

A: Is that not hunger enough?

S: I fear that one day I will put the pen down, that I will put the brush down, that I will put the camera down. I fear that one day I will give up.

A: You have not given up. You have been at this writing game ever since you were a youngster. However little love or reward you have been given, you have kept up at it.

S: The second book. I have not been able to work on it.

A: Your project was to find love. You are allowed to have a life. You cannot live solely for the people.

S: Gaining this love, I don’t want it to kill my hunger.

A: You fear selfishness, happiness. You fear contentment. You are allowed and deserve to be happy. Just remember The People, The Mother and The Revolution. Be the names of power, the prayer of The People, The Tiger, god.

S: We are in a race. Tiredness threatens to overcome.

A: Remember your promise. You are a man too and not just the community.