why do anything?

04.03.2026

A: Why do anything?

S: Why do you ask?

A: You are always saying that nothing that you do ever bears any fruit.

S: It’s true enough. You cannot prosper in a world of hostility and racism, of injustice and immorality. Unless you become one of them.

A: Come, answer the question. Why don’t you quit?

S: There is a type of person that will make things so unliveable that they would force you to quit. And they are not going to win. They will block everything and every ambition because they are evil. But the duty is to go on despite them. Because talent is one thing that will always show itself and show every enemy up.

A: That is not answering the question. Why don’t you quit?

S: That is what they want. I have answered it.

A: So you will not quit out of spite?

S: You know, this writing game that I am in, it has been going on throughout my whole life. And what have I got out of this writing game? Nobody cares that I am a doctor. Nobody cares about all of the work that I have published. Nobody is ever impressed, I never get any money out of these things. There is no network. There is little satisfaction. Yet I keep on writing.

A: Why?

S: Because, despite starvation and marginalisation, despite getting nothing out of it, I have the ability to keep on going. Out of spite. Out of stubborness. Out of genius. The genius creates. I am god. God accepts no limitation.

A: It seems perverse.

S: Me? Or them? Their perversity makes me perverse. Their stubborness makes me stubborn. Their spite makes me spiteful.

A: It seems like an unusual contest. You will keep putting up words. And they will keep ignoring the words. Nothing will change.

S: Why do you think this world is what it is? They cannot hear a different point of view or accept difference. They keep it at bay. That is what preserves their world. And I? I am difference. Genuine difference. A mind that comes every few hundred years or so. I believe in my value which they will not give me. I believe that I have the gift. And whatever they do, they are not going to take away that belief or that talent. Whatever they do, that belief is undying and eternal. Because I am The Tiger, the prayer of the People and The Mother.

lack of care

03.03.2026

A: Do you actually care if someone gets offended if you think they are racist?

S: Not really. If you’re not racist, you should prove it by your actions by accepting people that are different to you and helping them. If you don’t help people that are different to you and hold them back and deny them opportunities and won’t give them stuff that you can give them, when you will very easily give it to someone that is not different to you, then you’re just as bad as the rest of the racists. So why would I care if I offended them? They are actually hurting me badly themselves.

A: How do you know they are racists?

S: They are not going to admit it, are they? And I don’t care if they are doing it unconsciously. That’s always their defence. I didn’t know what I was doing.

A: But that doesn’t mean that they are racists.

S: There’s a very simple concept. Occam’s razor. The simplest explanation with the fewest assumptions is the correct one. So, I could either accept that the massive range of experience, qualifications and skills that I have, that this remarkable work ethic and genius are inadequate. Which is literally ridiculous to accept. I could either accept that someone else is on my level and better than me. Which is again ridiculous. It’s an impossible assumption. Or, bearing in mind my life experiences and knowing what this culture is like, I can assume that someone is a racist. And that is the simplest explanation with the fewest assumptions.

A: You can’t prove anything.

S: Do you think that they can prove that I can’t do the job? And yet I don’t get the job. Based on their ridiculous assumptions.

A: Mutual suspicion.

S: Which they have done nothing to alleviate. Because the only thing that would alleviate the suspicion is opportunities, aid and acceptance. Which they cannot give.

A: What about your personality? You think that you are perfect?

S: Anyone that judges me, I judge them back worse. Judgement is about power. And I am the most powerful. I am the judge. Not them. They have not one ounce of fairness in them. Or truth.

A: Don’t you think that your whole philosophy is egotistical?

S: I don’t accept their validation. I don’t accept their judgement. I have self confidence and belief. They can’t do anything that I can do. Their minds are not as wise. They are not geniuses. They don’t even work as hard as I do. They can’t keep all of these plates spinning like I do. Why would I accept their viewpoint on anything? They are jealous of me. That’s all there is. Envy and bias, prejudice and assumptions. Obviously, they are going to try and say they are fair and that their world is fair. So what? I don’t trust them and because they don’t accept me, I don’t accept them. They would do well to read the statistics on ethnicity and how it affects life instead of pretending there is no such thing as racism and they are not a part of it. They should stop deluding themselves that they are good people.

opening the heart

03.03.2026

S: In Hindi, they say ‘dil khol ke kuch karo’. That is, when you are going to do it, do it by opening your heart.

A: So?

S: It is good advice for this cold and hostile world. Because they do everything with their hearts closed.

A: What do you mean?

S: Look at their culture. They want to take emotions out of everything. They think that makes things subjective. When everything is in fact based on emotions, so it just an instance of cant and hypocrisy.

A: Anything more? I know you don’t believe in claims of objectivity. Neither do I.

S: Then, their culture is gatekeeping, excluding and marginalising. That is not the mark of an open heart. Not to mention other repressions.

A: To conclude?

S: Look at the state of the world right now. War after war. Hate and intolerance. Exploitation on a mass scale. Lying and hypocrisy. Patently we live in an era where an open heart is rare. An era where an open heart has no value.

A: Do you have an open heart?

S: Yes. And that is suffering in this world.

a celebration

02.03.2026

S: I celebrated a significant milestone in my relationship today.

A: What did you do?

S: A drink together. Holding hands. A journey together. Kissing lips and hands and necks and cheeks. Feeling bodies. Talking, joking. Looking into each other’s eyes. Planning time together. Planning the future together.

A: And the rest of the day?

S: A million different things at work. Before work, weights, meditation, chi building, a shave. On the commute, reading newspapers and a book about botany and history. Listening to Hindi film music. Shopping for lunch, which was Spanish rice, salad and mackerel in tomato sauce. At lunchtime, walking to the Oxfam bookshop at Holborn and buying art prints and browsing books. Messaging a friend from a war torn country. After work, that date, then language learning on the journey home in Hindi, Punjabi, Urdu, Spanish, French and German. German being the new addition, although I remember a fair bit from school. Reading articles about psychology.

A: And next?

S: Reading a French novel by Stendhal, ‘The Red and the Black’.

A: A day of much.

S: My days are much in these days. Life has retained its business and acquired happiness. After all, it is about time.

the fear of contentment

01.03.2026

S: I fear contentment.

A: Why?

S: It is the hunger that makes The Tiger what he is. When you look at singers, boxers, actors, they are always their best when they are hungry for it. Not when they have made it.

A: How can you keep the hunger alive?

S: This is the fear. I have money. I have a girlfriend. I have many jobs. I have been published everywhere for serious writing. I don’t want the contentment to eat up my ambition.

A: There is one thing that you don’t have. Children.

S: That is very true. And I also do not have fame.

A: So can you not keep on with the hunger?

S: I want to see our community advance. I want to be the champion for the Dalits, the Oppressed. I want the name of our family to be known.

A: Is that not hunger enough?

S: I fear that one day I will put the pen down, that I will put the brush down, that I will put the camera down. I fear that one day I will give up.

A: You have not given up. You have been at this writing game ever since you were a youngster. However little love or reward you have been given, you have kept up at it.

S: The second book. I have not been able to work on it.

A: Your project was to find love. You are allowed to have a life. You cannot live solely for the people.

S: Gaining this love, I don’t want it to kill my hunger.

A: You fear selfishness, happiness. You fear contentment. You are allowed and deserve to be happy. Just remember The People, The Mother and The Revolution. Be the names of power, the prayer of The People, The Tiger, god.

S: We are in a race. Tiredness threatens to overcome.

A: Remember your promise. You are a man too and not just the community.

Writer Biography of Dr. Suneel Mehmi

In the contemporary landscape of British letters, Dr Suneel Mehmi stands as a singular voice bridging the rigid structures of jurisprudence and the fluid boundaries of visual culture. A writer, scholar, and artist based in East London, Mehmi’s career began in the high-octane environment of student journalism, serving as a contributor to the London School of Economics’ The Beaver and later as the Lead Editor for the University of Westminster’s newspaper. This foundational period birthed his 2023 collection, Juvenalia, and established a writing style that is at once rigorous and vibrantly accessible—a “popular academic” tone that treats the law not merely as a set of rules, but as a literary genre that dictates how we perceive reality.

Mehmi’s intellectual trajectory is defined by a fascination with the construction of authority and identity. His seminal monograph, Law, Literature and the Power of Reading (Routledge, 2023), argues that the rise of photography and legal literalism in the nineteenth century fundamentally altered the human psyche. This interdisciplinary lens extends into his sharp cultural criticism, where he deconstructs modern media with surgical precision. Whether he is exploring the eco-horror and gender dynamics of Natalie Portman’s Annihilation, dissecting the gendered power plays in the Bollywood classic Beta, or uncovering the linguistic weight of Charles Dickens’ pseudonym in his article “The Power Name Boz,” Mehmi reveals the hidden ideological machinery behind our most beloved stories.

This versatility is most visible on his popular blog, Diary of a Lone Man, where his most widely read pieces pivot from dense theory to the universal language of emotion. His deep dives into Hindi cinema have garnered a dedicated following, blending nostalgic appreciation with academic rigour to explain why Bollywood resonates so deeply with the global diaspora. Central to his digital output is an ongoing, lyrical exploration of the concept of love—treating it not just as a sentiment, but as a transformative force capable of defying social hierarchies. This philosophical curiosity is mirrored in his art book Paisley, where he serves as writer, designer, and illustrator, proving that his creative reach is as expansive as his academic depth.

Beyond the ivory tower, Mehmi remains a writer of profound social conscience. As a journalist for The Borgen Project, he has produced vital reports on the Punjab floods, pivoting from cultural theory to humanitarian advocacy with seamless ease. His work is deeply informed by his Dalit heritage, a theme that vibrates through his creative output, such as Dish of Flowering Scents (2024), where he weaves personal reflection with the global struggle for Dalit rights. Ultimately, Suneel Mehmi represents a modern-day flâneur of the archive. Through his original synthesis of law, art, and activism, he reminds us that a film, a flood report, and a Dickensian pen name are all interconnected threads in a larger tapestry of power and memory.

the dream of lateness and blockage

01.03.2026

S: I had a dream of lateness and blockage this morning.

A: What happened?

S: I was going to school. We were late. It was with a boy that had once borrowed my watch from me and then played a trick by not giving it back in chemistry class. He was a very clever white boy. For some reason, the school became a tower. It was crammed with fans from East 17. The singer Brian Harvey, his grandmother died when he was in the jungle in a Big Brother type show, and maybe the tower school represented that with its big glass windows and panopticon nature. We couldn’t get to the top of the tower. It was a blockage. I got split from my friend and was finding a way up by myself. I ended up lost in a clinical looking room.

A: Then?

S: I looked out of the windows and there was a flood. There were famous London landmarks like St Paul’s cathedral and the clock face of Big Ben floating as wrecks in the flood. Then I woke up.

A: The meaning of this dream? I know you know.

S: It is about what happened after the death of my grandmother who I was protecting, including the medical problems afterwards. It involves the death of a grandmother. East 17 also sang a song featuring Gabrielle, an interracial love song. So it is perhaps about my relationship and juggling education with it, all of my writing projects building up – there are many. Then, the flood is about my writing. I wrote about rebuilding from the Punjab floods recently. The flood would wreck London and its time, break every blockage. The flood contrasts to the blockage preventing school and education.

A: A dream of love and writing. The blockage is love and music, but also death, the death of the woman you were separated from, the grandmother who was effectively your wife that you lived with.

S: I spent yesterday talking about a separation and its effects in blocking love and connection and happiness. I have writer’s block at the moment. A dream from the mind of the lover and poet. From one that has been touched by death. By one who is The Revolution.