the darkness within

05.02.2026

A: This darkness that is within you, it scares people. It offends and angers them.

S: This understanding of the world, it is built on an awareness of what this world would do to the different. It is based upon my experience of the world.

A: You are the stuff that becomes a villain in a movie.

S: They have always had us down as the villain. It makes no difference what we do. There is not true acceptance of us in this society. And therefore, the only thing for us to do is to tear this society down.

A: There is nothing that is good?

S: The real darkness lies in what is here. Not in me or us. It lurks beneath things, under them. It is in every pore.

A: You would be the saviour of the world? You are the answer? What is your philosophy?

S: I say it time and time again. The philosophy of love. The philosophy of the warrior. Meritocracy. He who has the most intelligence and the most ability, this world should be theirs.

A: How can darkness become light? You are the shadow self. You are violence.

S: This violence is in thought. It is a violence directed at the things of this world. It is a violence that would reshape this society. The warrior culture.

A: They believe that you are a fossil.

S: This fossil can fight.

A: They believe that you are filled with irrational anger.

S: This anger makes you strong. It is based upon reason.

A: They believe that you are deluded.

S: The sugar that they coat upon things has made them sick. I see beyond the sugar. I talk about the poison which they have fed me.

A: What good does stubborn difference do? You go against all and all will go against you.

S: Only all are a match for me. I am The Tiger. I am the greatest. I don’t fight ants. Come into the battle of the wits. It is my jungle. Of which I am the king.

embrace love

05.02.2026

A: Embrace love in your arms. Live. Live love.

S: What else do I do? I breathe in her hair. I clasp her to myself. I kiss her sweet lips. I feel her essence.

A: And? Is this not enough?

S: The warrior has the war. And the world is yet to be won.

A: This love. What does she see in you?

S: The heart, body and mind of a man. A real man.

A: Are you not a boy?

S: The man is the one that saves this world from itself. The man is the one that will protect you. The child that is in me is only one part of this man.

A: How can you tear yourself from those arms?

S: Discipline. There is much to do and no time to do it. The people expect. I am their prayer. I am The Tiger. Love has to share The Tiger with the world.

A: Are you not her most cherished one?

S: Love looks for a real man. Her eyes are hungry for him. Where do you find a real man? In the village. In Punjab. In six thousand years of time. In India. In god. In The Tiger.

A: You have the hubris of manhood.

S: Why not? Come anyone to contest me. I am ready forever for a fight. And I will dance on everybody’s head. I am the lover and the fighter.

samurai and the indian hamlet – a day in culture

04.02.2026

I was writing to A. It was always a letter to A. A. was the best of my friends. I was telling them what The Tiger had done today.

It began in the morning with shaving after a week. Then, after a hearty and healthy breakfast, I rushed down to the British Museum for the Samurai exhibition. The space was spectacular. The weaponry, the costumes, the video along a massive wall. The mission was to show that the warrior culture is also an artistic and cultural endeavour. There were splendid Japanese woodblocks and even video games concerning the heroic exploits of the warriors and the ruling class.

This decadent culture looks to the time of the Samurai as an inspiration. A society with honour and with bravery that makes the corruption of the present pale into the insignificance that it is. And where do the Samurai come from? It is not Japan. They come from India and Buddhism. The Samurai are the brothers of India.

I rushed through the Hawaii exhibition afterwards. It was marred by a concentration on the relationships between that country and Great Britain. However, there were some glorious costumes on display, feather necklaces and feather cloaks radiant with the beauty of colour. The grimacing statuettes were splendid in their own way, truly characterful representations of humanoid figures.

The Oxfam bookshop next to the British Museum followed. I am saving a visit there tomorrow at lunchtime to pick up what I spotted if it is still there – fate will decide.

The Outernet was the next distraction before I wolfed down a reduced price M & S gala pork pie for lunch in about ten minutes. I watched a number of videos:

Biophilia by Sebastien Labrunie – about the Mother Tree.

Superradiance by Memo Akten and Katie Hofstadter – About embodiment in the planet

Pools by Maggie West and Scott Pagano – about water absorbing into sand in brilliant colours

Cacophony of Stillness by Jesse Woolston – the expression of natural phenomena in new and challenging ways

Transcendence by Robert Newman – geometry and the depths of the natural world

I played on the Roland piano. There were some really accomplished pianists that played before me and after me. I played something very simple and got one of the accomplished guys to film me. It will go up on my Instagram soon, maybe tomorrow morning.

A jaunt in Liberty next. I have never been there before. The textiles and fabrics were amazing. They reminded me of when I would go into the Indian shops with my mum around Green street and she would buy the Indian fabrics to make her own clothes. I will definitely at some point in my life go there and get a shirt made in one of the fabric designs.

Next stop, Tate Britain. First it was the Lee Miller exhibition. I had watched the film first and this was what was informing my viewings of the photographs. I liked her modelling photographs much more than her photographs as a photographer. There was some video footage of her posing as a statue which drives a poet mad and also her messing around stroking a phallic piece of sculpture and laughing about it, so the exhibition veered into a type of pornography, an impression that was reinforced by the number of nudes of her that were being exhibited. I had studied this period of photography before and it reminded me of my many years of research.

I was somewhat envious of her life. The great difference between being a glamorous woman and being an average man (albeit a handsome one that was a genius and a god). I had never had and never would have the opportunities that she had for love or for a life of high society. She had hung around Picasso and Man Ray, the latter when she was not even famous. The life that I had wanted had never come – being friends or even lovers with artists and writers. She’d had it all.

Desultory walk through the Turner and Constable exhibition looking at the differences between them and their rivalry. I’ve never liked either of them. However, it can’t be denied that they had some spectacular and striking pieces. As I was walking through the gallery, I had the same thought that I always have in these places. The people there will never talk to you. You can’t find any friends or lovers there, any fellow lovers of art. What a degraded time that we live in.

On the way home, I shopped in Tesco and got some reduced price Black Cherry conserve, two whole jars of it. I also had a call with a friend in a country that is going through atrocities and upheaval at the moment.

At home, it was chicken curry and rice followed by hot chocolate cake and custard. Then a phone call with the one that is mine before I watched the Hindi film Dhurandhar that has raked in so much money at the worldwide box office. It was an Indian version of Hamlet where the hero goes into the enemy’s country in the name of justice and revenge. It was a tightly constructed film. Where do I sit on the controversy? India claims that the Pakistani state creates terrorists that attack India. Who knows the truth of these matters? I don’t have the information or the intelligence. Like me, the average person does not. Are Indian people, film makers and the state falsely claiming that the Pakistani state is covertly fighting them? Is this racism? The state is all about racism. That is the precondition for the modern day state, us and them. It is the state that is disgusting and corrupt. Any state. I am an anarchist. I stand for real freedom. I stand for love rather than hate. I watch the film. I don’t let the fiction influence my understanding. All states are corrupt and predicated on hate and terrorism and violence.

Finally, a long shower and then, as always, the writing to A. We are companions of the night.

the misanthrope

01.02.2026

A: Why do you hate other people so much?

S: I just got off the train. These people fucking stink. They have no concept of territory so they invade my personal space and touch me when it is the least thing wanted. You talk to them. They are not only stupid but full of hate. Try to think of intelligence and study around them. They will not entertain it. They will block it. They block love. They block ambition and talent. Who would love them?

A: They are loved more than you.

S: They are in love with evil. That is this society.

A: In India you do not fit in. In England you do not fit in. The problem is not them. It is you.

S: Fuck fitting in. Fuck them.

A: You need them. They do not need you.

S: The god walks upon earth. He is the prayer of the people. He is the prayer of The Mother.

A: You believe? Truly?

S: Life is confusion and disorientation. They would have me believe I am not god. But I am. You cannot destroy the divine.

A: Where will your hate of the people take you?

S: Who cares what they think? They have not given the god the due. I scorn them.

A: You are fighting with no army.

S: I am The Tiger. Alone I am more than enough.

ego and fight

02.02.2026

A: You are always fighting. Because you have a big ego.

S: To fight and to war is warrior destiny.

A: And ego?

S: Ego itself is fight. The ego is a defensive formation. It is protection.

A: Do you ever think that you have too much ego?

S: Whoever tries to disrespect the people, or The Mother, we will not tolerate it. We will teach them a lesson. And we are men. They are not. We will teach them the lesson.

A: Do we really have to fight for respect in this day and age?

S: When have you not had to fight for it? The world is full of evil. It is full of enemies that live in shame with no honour. This is the world of the shameless. They would drag you down into the corruption with them. Look at their society. They are monsters. They are disgusting.

A: And where does this ego and this fight come from? How is it made?

S: The Mother comes in song. She comes in dance. She comes in words and pictures. She reveals her beauty to her son and her lover. She is our honour. She is our love. She is us. She is our ego.

A: You would be the slave of a queen?

S: She is our heart. You cannot separate your heart from your spirit.

A: And this mother, what does she give you?

S: Everything. That is why she is The Mother Queen. One to follow to the death. One to follow into heaven. One to follow into hell if it is needed. With a smile on our faces.