04.01.2026

S: Today I drew a small watercolour sketch of them and sent it to them.

A: And?

S: It is good to be an artist sometimes. I looked into their face and their eyes in this photograph. I thought of looking into their face and eyes in real life.

A: What is the fun of it? They are yours already. Why try to catch the fish with your paintbrush? Or rather, your stylus?

S: They appreciate my art. They see me as an artist.

A: Is that all? A muse that wants you?

S: No. Because it has been my ambition to draw portraits of one that I care for. One that I want. One that is mine. My art is love. And my love is my art. She is giving me my wish and my desire. It has been my ambition to send them the portraits. To show my care to them. To gift my eyes to them.

A: You like looking.

S: Who does not? They are beautiful. They are beauty itself. Kindness, care and love. I am drawing love. My art is love. I draw my care onto the screen. Love represented through love. And then, their face is the diary of my senses, my feelings, where I am in this universe in this moment.

A: What do they think of it?

S: Whatever they think of it, I hope they will recognise the care and the thought. I have tried to catch the radiance of the moon on paper. It is the whimsy of the lover and the poet.

04.01.2026

S: The devil offers god the world. The greatness of god is that he kicks it away from himself. Satan comes to Christ to offer everything. It is an offer that god refuses.

A: Why? Of what relevance is it?

S: This beastly shitty world? What is it? It is corruption and stench. God cannot sully himself with it.

A: The devil offers this world to you?

S: The path of seduction in this world is to offer false belonging, false identity and false love to the different. They peddle their wares of deceit, these devils. They would have you sell your conscience for a lie.

A: You have not been seduced?

S: The Tiger stands. The resistance and the Revolution. One that does not bend.

A: What does god get from this solitary stand? Nothing.

S: What is that which is earthly? There are greater things. They cannot hand you honour, those that have no honour. I come from the honour economy. They cannot give me what I want. They are shameful and shameless. In the world of ideas, I am the king and the god of gods. Because I am against them and their world and not of it. The lone voice of a real man and not a slave like them. The Mother has raised a man and not a cowardly slave.

A: Ego. Arrogance.

S: The pride of one that has honour. Unlike them. Valid and legitimate pride against their universe of sin and dishonour.

03.01.2025

S: There is one sure way into hell. Fall in love with one that does not love you.

A: Forget.

S: Do you know, to relieve a cat of stress, all you need is a cardboard box? It is a refuge, a hiding place. I am a man and a cardboard box cannot do. Instead I lie in my bed, unable to rise. The bed is my box. The refuge and the hiding place. The thoughts pin you down, the ache.

A: But in the end, you do rise.

S: Somehow. It is a massive effort of will.

A: What is the bed?

S: It is death. I am in love with death. When Freud wrote of the death instinct, he was right. When your love is not fulfilled, that is what you crave. Death.

A: Don’t let them win. Do not die.

S: Every day, I play at death. But then life comes. Life over death. Love over hate, apathy and indifference. Death is so sweet, so sweet.

A: You will beat this. Think of them. Nothing touches them. They have a train of admirers, one after the other. You are nothing to them. They do not think of you. They never loved you.

S: The mind says to live. The heart says to die. We will see the result when the sun rises once more.

A: Think of the present.

S: The past is precarious and the present is uncertain. Does the future hold any hope?

02.12.2025

S: They ask me what I look at when I look into their eyes. What I think.

A: What is it?

S: Their eyes are intoxication. They are intoxication. I am one who is drunk when they set their eyes upon me. I do not think. I am no longer sober. Simply I look and I am drunk by their eyes.

A: Beauty is a trap for the eyes.

S: You cannot understand beauty from afar. It asks for closeness. Just another closer look. Then another. Then another.

A: Do you think you can unfold the secrets in their eyes?

S: All of the facets of the jewels that make up the elements of their eyes, all of their whispers and murmurings, can a genius understand them?

A: Can a genius love?

S: Does not love call for a genius of its own?

A: A genius of intoxication?

S: The Tiger looks into the eyes of one that is his. He drinks from those eyes of bewitchment. The more he drinks, the thirstier he is. The more he is bewitched. The spell is strong, the intoxication is strong.

A: And the one that is Tiger’s?

S: They look back. In their eyes there is the mystery. They are the enigma.

01.12.2025

A: It is the time of change and transformation. It is the New Year.

S: This taste of the Revolution, it passes quickly for the sheep. They forget quickly. This taste is what we have prepared our dishes for our whole life.

A: There is change but there is constancy.

S: Yes, I still feel the shadow of the embrace of the Mother goddess. Her arms are around my neck and back. My body is colliding with hers and the heat grows. I am connected to her like I am connected to the body of my lover. She is my anchor to the world and the heavens. She saves me and gives me support.

A: You know that she is not real.

S: She is the ideal. The ideal warrior. Love and protection. The fight. The hero. Power itself.

A: You embrace a thought?

S: It was her that rescued me. The Mother Goddess. The things we cannot speak of, the secrets. I was dead and she gave me life. From the pain came The Mother and she was Love.

A: You ask for the embrace?

S: I long for it again to savour her form, to get close to her. I am her son and her lover. To feel her just once more in my life, the wish of the fighter.