03.11.2025
S: I was insanely jealous. With an emphasis on the insanity.
A: You are insecure?
S: Where was the security? I had nothing. I was not theirs. I was clutching at a speck of a straw in the storm of the river.
A: And?
S: Seeing them with another… It was like a pickaxe to the brain and to the gut.
A: You have said that you WERE jealous…
S: Life taught me a lesson. To give up.
A: You? You gave up?
S: You cannot force.
A: You could love from afar. Like Dante.
S: Preposterous. A waste of life. To long and to yearn. And never love to earn.
A: And now? Where has the jealousy gone?
S: When hope is gone, jealousy is gone. Jealousy is the hope that one is mine. When there is still a bridge that connects. When there is no bridge that connects?
A: That bridge that you built, you destroyed it so easily.
S: Mine was not the hand that held the fire.
A: But you swallowed the flame willingly.
S: Not willingly. I was much loth to do it. The body and the mind fought me valiantly. They are the body and the mind of The Tiger. I am strength. Years of strength. That is why I am invincible. One lesser would have succumbed.
A: But what comes now instead of jealousy?
S: Nothing. The numbness.
A: You told me that you are fire.
S: You can be fire only for what is yours.
A: You are lying to yourself. You are still fighting yourself.
S: You don’t believe that love dies? Our world is one in which love is for a moment. And only that. It is a faint murmur that is forgotten against a deafening noise. There is no loyalty. There was no encouragement. In short, there was nothing.
A: The heart of a Tiger, the heart of a traitor?
S:
where there is no bond there is no treason
the wheel of survival knows no season
A:
loss is what we hide
why lie? we have died
diary of a lone man 