reluctance to write

A: I notice that you are reluctant to write at the moment.

S: One wonders where it goes. One wonders what it does. One wonders, in short, why?

A: You have your readers.

S: Enemies and critics.

A: You have something to say.

S: Which no one wants to listen to.

A: You are The Tiger.

S: The mortal enemy of this world.

A: You cannot stop writing. They expect. They read you every day in every way.

S: There is only one reason why I write. So that they cannot defeat me. Defeat us. The Oppressed. This learning, it is for The Oppressed. This mind, it is for The Oppressed. This body? It belongs to The Oppressed.

A: Why can you not just live for yourself?

S: I am The Oppressed. I am The Mother. It is the authentic self. There is nothing other.

A: Write then for them.

S: Have you ever considered the language of the warrior?

A: What do you mean?

S: The words of a fighter are charged with energy, absolute energy. It is the fight. The pen is not mightier than the sword. The pen itself is the sword.

A: Language as a weapon?

S: Language as the fist. Language as the kick. Language as the choke hold. The mastery over the language is the mastery over the martial arts.

A: Who has taught you this?

S: The gurus. The activists. The scholars. Hindi film. They have made the writer into the warrior. And the duty of the warrior? Even when he is cut into pieces, he will fight. Even when all else have been defeated and he stands as the last man on the battlefield, he will fight. Fighting is what he was born and raised to do. It is his life. And so, he fights. He writes.

A: With reluctance?

S: The war is hard. Life is hard. Yes, with reluctance. But still he writes. Because he believes in that one spark that will light up this world. That precious one, that precious reader that will become The Tiger too. What The Oppressed pray for, what The Mother desires. Freedom.

the expression of energy

22.04.2026

A: What did and do your university tutors make of your writing?

S: They said that I was original, ambitious. They said that I went far. They said that my writing was lively.

A: What do they mean by lively?

S: After all, my writing is the expression of energy. Of total power. Of a mind that is free and does not fear. Because this is what the power of the mind is.

A: Where does this energy come from?

S: That is the question, is it not? First of all, I have always had high levels of energy. Then, we were not kept idle as children. We had many things to do. Add to that that I have always done much exercise to build up this body and mind. Do not forget the genes of the athlete and the scholar that my grandfather has bequeathed me. And do not forget the discipline that I have. Discipline is everything.

A: This energy that you have has been described by everyone around you as unnatural.

S: I am a genius. Although I come from nature I am beyond nature.

A: Is this energy that you have being translated? Is this energy being expressed?

S: There are so many pies that I have fingers in. I do the work of three men. Is that not enough?

A: Why not sit and redraft this book that you say proves that you are a genius? You keep on saying that you will do it and you have not touched it.

S: I will not kill myself to do it. They will not give me any reward for it. They are ungrateful, miserly and haters in their hearts. They are unfair and they do not reward or recognise on merit. They do not even deserve my genius. If I write this book, it will only be for us, The Oppressed.

A: The reluctance of genius.

S: All my life, I have worked for society. And what have I got for it for myself? It is a serious question.

A: But now you have everything you wanted. Meaningful work and a girlfriend. You have got something out of it.

S: Where is my honour?

A: Come come. There are many that respect you. You do have honour as well. Write the book. Prove that you are the genius that you say that you are.

S: Summer is almost here. There is only one more month. Then we will see what this energy can do.

A: Forget that you are Achilles sulking and become the greatest of the warriors. You know how important that argument is in the book. You know that you are the king of reading and the king of letters. Show the splendour of Punjab. Show them the roar of The Tiger. Show them the champion of The Oppressed.

wanting the world

20.04.2026

A: I think it is true of you to want the world.

S: I don’t think so. I imagine that you are referring to my ambitions?

A: Yes.

S: I do not want the world. That is the mark of the coloniser. The imperialist.

A: But you want the whole world to love you and to fall at your feet.

S: Victory is won over the heart. Not over land.

A: History would say otherwise.

S: In any case, having looked at the world, having explored the world, I no longer want the world. It is a detestable and disgusting thing this world.

A: What do you want then?

S: I don’t want to impress them. I am much better than them.

A: But come, tell me what you want?

S: In many ways, I want only to destroy them. Have you ever read ‘Perfume’ by Suskind? In the end, he no longer wants the love of the people. It is not enough. It is nothing.

A: What does the genius want?

S: The genius wants above all things to play the game. And I do play the games. Several games. Art, writing, music, song, photography, scholarship.

A: But you have often enough told me that you play to win. There is no winning in these games that you are playing.

S: You are wrong. I am winning against them. They would have me, through the conditions they impose, to do nothing and to be no one. To have no voice, body or soul. Every time that I make something, I am preserving Punjabi culture. I am preserving and transmitting to the next generation the spirit of The Tiger. I am winning. I always win. Because to be the authentic self is to win. To be a man is to win. To be a god? Is that not winning? The People, The Oppressed, they have chosen this champion. The one with the gift of the mind. The one with the gift of strength. The one with the gift of endurance. The one with the gift of talent. The one with the gift of genius. The one that is the champion. They have chosen the one that wins.

at the end of the long day

19.04.2026

S: It is the end of the long day. What is there to say now?

A: One can reflect upon a day, a moment, a life.

S: You ask for me to reflect? In this day, aside from work, I went upon the Cutty Sark. I went to a charity bookshop. I went to a fayre where I bought a biography of Marilyn Munroe for three pounds. I listened to music concerts all day. I went to Canary Wharf to look upon the waterfront and the big skyscrapers. I went into the parks around the Embankment. I had dinner with my girlfriend. I learnt Spanish, French, Hindi, Punjabi and Urdu. I read psychology articles. I learnt Art History. I ate a chocolate profiterole dessert from Marks and Spencer’s. I listened to Hindi music from the films.

A: Are you not tired? You have spent this whole week rushing around.

S: You know that I do not get tired. Especially when the sun is out. But as I was walking the Cutty Sark, which is a boat that is stationary, I thought to myself that this is a metaphor for self-reflection. We are upon the journey of life. But then, we take out a moment from this journey. The ship stops sailing. We explore the frozen journey, to find out where it is taking us, what it is. We become explorers of the pause.

A: Where would you like this journey to take you?

S: To the beating heart of the enemy.

A: That is your wish? You could have love.

S: One loves the enemy. One wants to clutch at the enemy. To hold them the closest. So that one could squeeze what is inside out of them.

A: Forget enmity. You are the lover. You have a lover.

S: To forget the enemy is to forget myself. I am the warrior.

A: Forget. Tell me a story.

S: Once there was this king that rinsed everything outside of himself because of her. And she watched him rinsing everything out of himself as he grew smaller and smaller. He almost became too small and she did nothing to stop him. Because she enjoyed how much she tormented him and wanted to see if there was any limit to what he would do for her. There was not. But one day, when he was at the end, when there was almost nothing left to rinse, this king stopped. She did not love him. She was not the lover. She was only one that he thought that he knew and loved. She had not liked that he was the king and would want him diminished. He cast her off. And there was so much in him that even now there was more than anyone else. And he kept on growing and growing. He was the splendour of the sun.

A: What happened to her?

S: The life of those without love is the everyday story of the people here. Ask any of them how they live their loveless lives of lies, hate and oppression. That is her story too.

the inimitability of the tiger

14.04.2026

Alfonso and I, we had both been to visit a friend again in the hospital. I had rushed there after work while completing several urgent errands on the way. We had spent about an hour with him, cheering him up and asking him how things were over there. Afterwards, Alfonso had taken me to his home and cooked me up beef enchaladas with a salad and sour cream. Then we had watched Sting performing on the television set in the bygone era.

I had been telling Alfonso of the useless attempts of an Ai system to duplicate my written efforts. ‘Did you know,’ I asked him, ‘that Dickens used to call himself the inimitable. And, certainly, according to the experiments today, The Tiger himself is also inimitable.’

‘What makes you think so?’

‘Well, I asked this Ai system to replicate my style. I typed in my name and told it to do it. To create a new story based on the way that I write.’

‘What were the results?’ asked Alfonso with a mockery of gravity.

‘The story was absolutely atrocious. It was about a pigeon watching me while the state created a duplicate identity of me and informed me of it by post.’

‘Ill-written?’

‘Precisely. There was not the least touch of my style or the sound of my mind. Basically, this Ai system had concocted a mixture of Kafka and Poe’s Raven, because that is what it understood my style to be. Not only that, but there had been an attempt at a philosophical conversation. I say an attempt because there was certainly no depth or original thinking involved at all.’

‘And how did this make you feel, watching the Ai perform you so badly? Were you reassured of your idiosyncracy and capriciousness?’

‘It certainly let me know that I was not a mindless and meaningless computer, a hunk of metal and minerals. It certainly let me know that this style that has developed through genius and a lifetime of suffering and practice cannot be so easily acquired.’

‘Do you think a mortal could write like you do?’

‘Of course they could not. Genius, although it is imitated, is always in the last analysis inimitable. I am sure that plenty will try to become The Tiger. However, as in the movie, there is is only one.’

what the genius writes

14.04.2026

A: So you have this claim, that you are a genius.

S: It is not a claim. It is a reality.

A: What then does the genius write?

S: Everything.

A: Come come. A little clarification. What differentiates your writing from that of others?

S: I see what no one else can see.

A: A claim for originality.

S: And then, the genius writes to shock, amaze, astound and confound. Contrarily to the herd who write to reassure, who write complacently about their herd mentality and all of the evils therein. Who write to soothe the conscience of the oppressors, to justify this tyrannical and inquitious world.

A: You claim awe?

S: Indeed, I claim awe. The genius shakes the foundations of this world.

A: If you are indeed a genius, where is the recognition?

S: Does genius ever get recognition in this world? The time of Da Vinci has been replaced with the time of cretins like Musk and Trump. Of social media influencers whose sole task is to peddle cosmetics and a pampered lifestyle. What can you expect of these people? They could not recognise their own arse in the dark. Let alone genius. All they see is the foreign name and the colour of the skin. That is what they judge upon. Not the argument. Not the reasoning. Not the writing. With the exception of the genuinely intelligent. Because however moronic society becomes, the genuinely intelligent do recognise talent. Unfortunately, they have no power to nurture it. Because the power? It belongs to the morons. And this is why I am a genius. Because I was born into powerlessness because of my caste, my working class origin, and my skin and culture. I was not born as a moron. We can see.

A: What is the use of genius if it does nothing?

S: Mother India has a saying. That in the end, only truth alone will triumph. Satyameva Jayate. It is a phrase that is thousands of years old. I am the truth. I am the truth. I am the truth that no one wants to see or to hear. I am truth that is thousands of years old that they cannot even see. Only I can see it. I am blessed because The Mother has placed her hand above my head. I am invincible. That is why I am a genius. They cannot think like me. I am the last generalist in an era of narrow specialisation. I can crack the codes, the meanings of the self. That is why I am a genius.

A: And, you have the ego.

S: Yes. I go for the jugular vein. The most important work falls to me because I have the ego for it. That is why I am a genius.

A: Either you have the delusion of grandeur. Or you are a charlatan. Or, you are in fact, a genius.

S: I know what you will conclude. It is a mixture of all three.

you or me

13.04.2026

S: It comes down to you or me.

A: What does?

S: The fight. Either we can be destroyed. Or them.

A: Why can you not live with difference?

S: We can. But they have decided to eliminate difference. And therefore, it becomes us against them. You or me. And I choose me. I choose difference.

A: You will not accept destruction?

S: Six thousand years of the reign of The Tiger. That is what we are talking about. The loss to the world if we were gone would be immense. Selfishness and greed would choke this world. There would be no love left in the universe. There would be no men left. You would accept the destruction of all that is good in this world? The counter to oppression is freedom. The counter to tyranny and the narrow mind is the limitless.

A: How do you know that they are not right about you? That you are toxic?

S: If a real man is regarded as toxic, then the non-toxic is nothing good.

A: They see you as outdated.

S: They are a petty interruption to the larger history of man. Their opinion is of no consequence.

A: They hold the reins. They have the power.

S: That is not true. Only the warrior holds the power. We shape the world according to our will.

A: How do you know that you are the warrior?

S: This fight, this hard and long fight, I have been fighting it my whole adult life. We will never bend. We will never kneel. If to be us is sin, then we are sinners. If loving The Mother is a test, then we will past the test. We remain undefeated. However much they hate us, we survive. We prosper despite their hate. This territory, it is ours.

A: They say that an enemy knows an enemy.

S: What they should know is that I live for revenge.

A: What is this revenge?

S: In our culture, revenge is what transforms this world. My blood is in this world. They are our future. And for them, and for the ones that come after them, they cannot be subjected to what I was subjected to. I love them too much for that. The revenge is success. We will force our success down their throats. We will hold the reins.

A: How is your revenge going?

S: I am prosperous. My name and my writing is everywhere. I am already a role model. I have achieved what other people only dream of. I have five degrees and a doctorate. I am a doctor. A published author. A published poet. A published photographer. A published artist. I am the pride of Punjab.

A: Yet you are not satisfied with your revenge.

S: The older an enmity, the more dangerous it becomes. This is a line from a Hindi film. Yes, I am still not satisfied. The success has not choked them yet.

the history book

11.04.2026

Alfonso and I had spent the day at another attraction, marvelling at the history of technology. We had been amused by one of the volunteers who had quite a quick turn for words and had been answering the questions of Alfonso in a droll and winsome manner. My friend was wearing his usually stunning arrangement of costly materials. This time, a blue blazer with cream trousers and a light flamingo pink shirt.

As we walked together home in the mild climes of April this year, Alfonso was asking me about my writing plans.

‘You don’t have any shortage of ideas, do you?’ he inquired of me.

‘I am the flood. It all comes. Too much altogether. I could write a novel every week. The trick is to have no censor and to let the explosion happen. I write without even thinking about anything. I tap into the unconscious.’

‘And what is the dream of a book that you have at the moment?’

‘Why not write a little heavy tome about history?’

‘What type of history?’ asked Alfonso, looking dreamily up at the clouds in the sky. One of which resembled the buttocks of a goat.

‘History books,’ I mused, ‘ don’t very often talk about how history has shaped a particular life of an ordinary man. How the personal is the acutely political. Look at me though. First, I have been shaped by the Partition, since my grandmother had to leave the newly created Pakistan for India and lost all of her belongings as a child. Second, my grandfather? He was a child when Independence happened in India. So he became the philosophy of Indian Independence. My mother? She escaped from the forced sterilisation of the poor as a schoolgirl and that is why I was even born in the first place. Then, add on the World War which caused the deaths of the young men and the labour shortage that meant my grandfather was invited to the United Kingdom to work. The new freedoms for women in the sixties meant that my grandmother worked to support the home. I have been brought up as a young man amidst the xenophobia and racism that erupted following 9/11, since everyone took me, with my brown skin, as a Muslim man. Then, look at the thousands of years of caste oppression in India that has made me what I am, as well as the military culture of Punjab, which has always fought against oppression and the tyrant.’

‘Why don’t you write this book and about how history has affected your life?’

‘Because of the igorance of the reader. They would have a Dua Lipa tell them what to read and promote her as an expert, with her lack of any serious credentials or hard work in the subject of literature. Because she is famous and she fits into the majority culture. Whereas I am not included in the majority culture and I do not have fame or connections, and therefore my serious credentials would be absolutely ignored and no one would read or understand anything that I wrote because of their stupidity. I wouldn’t be surprised if the next thing was that Dua Lipa becomes, in their stunted eyes, a ‘literary novelist’ or a ‘poet’. Laughable.’

We walked on together in this life where there was no fair competition, no meritocracy, and no justice. Where the absolutely pedestrian rose to the heights of every endeavour and captured the shallow and undiscerning hearts of what was surely the worse audience in history.

giving

08.04.2026

S: You know, I was always taught when I was growing up that charity began at home. I have family that are poor in India. So the money always went to them, not to ‘causes’.

A: Seems to be a sensible thing to do, to send the money back to the family. After all, who else cares about them?

S: But yet, causes do exist. So, I cheated. Instead of volunteering money, I volunteered my time, which is free. I volunteered to help all the causes that I believed in. I volunteered in reading clubs for the socially isolated during Covid. I volunteered in after school homework clubs for underprivileged children. I taught English to refugees and migrants. I volunteered in arts organisations, to work on the exposure of Japanese art and art about plants and flowers. I volunteered in a charity for Hindi film music and to spread Indian culture. I volunteer at Kew Gardens, in the art gallery and as a tour guide giving tours in the gardens. I volunteered in the Witness Service in the courts. I volunteer with an organisation that lobbies governments to increase foreign aid spending.

A: You are a busy man and you are socially committed.

S: It counts for nothing. It is always worth saying that. But you know, all this volunteering is never enough. There is so much to do in this world. And yesterday, after considerable reluctance, I decided to give money to a charity. The WWF. To help the poor animals.

A: What was the basis of this decision?

S: I believe that we should all try to save the world in our own way. I am not trained in this field. I am studying Biology but I cannot do anything else much with all the work, study and volunteering that I am already committed to. But my money can do something. So I am giving to them every month. It is time to make all of that money work.

A: The next plan?

S: Investing in sustainable projects.

A: You are about to become a businessman?

S: I am already a businessman with my own business. I am a professional photographer and run a small photography business. But the thought of just making money for its own sake disgusts me. That is why everything has to have a social dimension.

A: Why does just making money disgust you?

S: Because I am Punjabi. I come from the Sikh community. We are heroes. The world looks up to us. And therefore, we cannot become greedy. We are not a Trump who only has greed, selfishness, arrogance and hate. We have altruism, community spirit, humility and love. That is who we are.

A: Give and keep on giving.

S: I am endless. I can keep on giving and giving. And I am generous at heart. Because wealth is not what you have in your pocket. It is wealth of the heart that makes us prosperous in this world. I tell myself one thing: you have to put your money where your mouth is. All that training in thrift has to give way to philanthropy because now I am settled in life and it is the right thing to do. Charity begins at home but it continues out into the world. Money is badly needed to build the future. And I have money. Nothing is worth more than one’s own conscience.

the heaviness of thought

08.04.2026

S: Have you ever wondered, how heavy is a thought?

A: Can you weigh a thought?

S: Sadness is when the thoughts become too heavy. They take on the aspect of concrete. You feel low because you are bowed down because of the heaviness of thought. You feel exhausted with sadness because you are bearing the load of the heavy thought. They say that when you are sad, that you are bearing the load of the world upon your shoulders. That is the heaviness of thought.

A: You are confusing metaphors and language with the reality of an experience.

S: But metaphors, as Nietzsche said, are what make up our reality. Language is what makes up our reality.

A: You are trying to say that the reality of the space time continuum and the very fabric of the cosmos shift when you are sad and emotional?

S: This is precisely what I am saying. Gravity only becomes real when you are sad. Gravity only becomes a factor when you have the heaviness of thought in your head. The mental and the physical planes align in sadness.

A: And when you are happy?

S: Then, gravity disappears. You have the lightness of being.

A: But surely, you have the lightness of being in sadness? Being is so light that the heaviness of thought can wear it down.

S: You have a point. What is this cheap and flimsy, insubstantial life and this mind that is prey to sadness and suffering?

A: Do you make a metaphysical claim about emotions and reality, that emotions shape the reception of the cosmos in the body?

S: It is perception that makes the world what it is, this physical world. This is what the theories in science are at the moment.

A: Your perception is that of the sad man, of the cynic, the pessimist and the realist, of the minority, of the marginalised.

S: Nonetheless, it is a factor in perception. And you have to also remember the power of The Tiger. We are the truth. Reality comes to us in another way, to the community of Tigers.

A: India says be not sad, life is beautiful.

S: The world gives us sorrow. The world straps the load of sadness onto us. In the morning, we struggle to rise with this load. But still we stand on our feet. This world burdens us with cares and the lack of love. Life is heaviness. Still, still, the ambition of the community asks us to work. While we carry this unfair load. The ambition of the community, its hope, they ask us to live. Amidst this death.