how does it feel for the moth to ravish the flame? (microfiction)

04.12.2025

S: How does it feel for the moth to ravish the flame? Do you know?

A: In plain English?

S: I don’t speak in plain English. I speak in beautiful English.

A: Forget the quibbles. You know what I am saying.

S: There are those that read that do not like the truth unadorned.

A: So? Who are they?

S: I am speaking of a destructive love. A love in which the self is wrecked.

A: Is life and the self a boat that can be wrecked?

S: You have never felt the pain?

A: We live in the degraded present. We live in a world where even love is pain.

S: When you have loved a stone, all you do is to collide against it.

A: Did you break?

S: Almost. It didn’t quite happen.

A: Why don’t you break? How are you still standing?

S: I did not let the darkness engulf me. I am the sun.

A: The sun can become eclipsed by the moon.

S: Moon cannot overcome me. There is one that is undefeated and invincible. She has given me her powers. The Mother, Durga. The Queen Mother.

A: How so?

S: I feel the protection of the ideals of Mother India. The ideals that is the one that is the warrior queen. The one that protects and loves.

A: To almost break then. How did that feel?

S: The one that is alive that has lived through death is the moth that has ravished the flame. Burnt himself alive. And yet, everything did not turn into ash. The mouth and the stomach was full of ashes. But this heart, this heart of a Punjabi, this heart of The Tiger, this heart is full of energy and life. We boast that we have the biggest hearts in the world. And so we are not wrecked. We restore ourselves. When the flame will not embrace us then there flies out of the world Solace. And whether or not we can keep Solace through the long and lonely night, just to look into her eyes and touch her gives the moth the desire to fly again once more into the flame that is love.

moving from sadness to happiness (microfiction)

02.12.2025

A: You have been grieving. You have been mourning a loved one.

S: Does mourning ever end? Is it finished? Why the past tense?

A: Yes. Because you are moving into happiness. How does it feel moving from sadness to happiness?

S: The ones that we have lost, we still remember them. The sadness of their loss. It doesn’t matter how happy we are. The cut goes deep. And, moreover, I am not mourning the dead. I am mourning the living. The quick and not the dead. How can the mourning for the living ever end?

A: Yet you must feel happiness?

S: I feel the intoxication. It has happened again. Yes, I feel happy.

A: Don’t cling to the dead. Free yourself from their arms.

S: Those arms are grasping at me. They want to pull me into the sea with them.

A: I have told you not to think those thoughts.

S: Because of them, I think that anyone I am with will betray me and leave me.

A: You are saying that you are scared? You told me that you do not fear.

S: I do not fear anything for myself. I am not scared of death or battle. But the ones that I love? Losing them fills me with terror.

A: You are wrong. You can live without them. You have proved it.

S: I don’t want to live without them.

A: You have told me yourself. However brutal this life is, you have to live it. The mourning period is over. It is finished now. There is someone now.

S: Do you think that if your brain has been habituated to mourning for years, that it can suddenly shake itself off from that mourning just like that? Do you think that someone with a memory like mine can just lose the memory of trauma?

A: You will have to. You owe it to yourself and to this someone. Everything takes time. Your happiness is new. It is being reborn. You were happy once before and you are happy once again. Happiness is the natural state of things. Forget the past. Don’t think on it. Learn how to trust again. The mark of bravery is trust and love. Everything will work out. Just enjoy happiness and contrast it with that sadness and the emptiness that you felt. That betrayal.

S: I want that happiness. I want to free myself from death.

A: Good. Then do so. Desire is the mother of action.

how a piece of shit thinks (microfiction)

28.11.2025

S: You don’t have to wonder what a piece of shit thinks. They are trumpeting it everywhere. Trump is trumpeting it. And so is that fucking arsehole Farage. In fact this whole fascist government is trumpeting that fucking bullshit.

A: And what is it that this piece of shit is thinking?

S: Anyone with any sense knows that instead of putting their own house in order, these racist vermin are blaming all of the problems that they have created on ethnic minorities and people coming into the country. Deflection. Externalisation. In a word, bullshit. While the ethnic minorities and people coming into the country are doing all the work that they won’t and can’t do.

A: How is it working?

S: While their racist ‘civilisation’ is dictating the terms of conduct and thought throughout the whole world, as they continue to colonise the whole world and eradicate difference, they are pretending that they are at risk of extinction. Because these fascists can’t tolerate that there might be a different way of living and thought. While they are hoarding all the wealth in the world for themselves and stealing it from others, they are pretending that we are stealing all their wealth. They can’t stand meritocracy and fair competition because they have no talent themselves – only their privilege.

A: Who are the morons that are falling for this shit?

S: The moron has nothing. No talent and no spirit or thought. They are fucking slaves. What they have is the colour of their skin or their nationality. And they think, because of that, that they are better than everyone else. But they don’t really believe that they are better than anyone else. Because inside, they know that they are nothing but a piece of shit. So they try to pick on who they perceive is weaker than themselves, all the while knowing that those people are better than they are. Because those others are not full of hate like they are. These fucking slaves don’t have the fighting spirit to wage war against the rich. They are sycophants and bend over to let the rich and powerful fuck them. So they pick on who they perceive as the poor and hungry. They don’t have belief in their own ‘civilisation’ – they think that anyone can displace it and rule over them. They are cowards that move in a herd and have no originality or independence of vision. They love lies. They love hate. They hate love.

A: How do you stop a piece of shit thinking like a piece of shit?

S: They only have hate. That is all they have. Read ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’. Trash only has race and nationality, they don’t have anything else. They are hollow scum. Just like Mayella Ewell is ruled over by her ignorant father in the novel to believe that she is superior because of the colour of her skin, so these fucking morons, these fucking slaves can only be ruled with hate.

the breath of destiny (microfiction)

26.11.2025

S: When I take a pause, I feel destiny. She is breathing down my neck.

A: How can you believe in destiny? It is an outdated notion.

S: I have been raised to fulfil a destiny. To protect The Mother. I am named after it. It is the teaching in the culture. It is us, the warrior culture.

A: How much do you do for this destiny?

S: I work in education. I teach. I write to promote diversity. I volunteer at charities. I do all that I can while earning a living. I protect my birth mother. I protected my grandmother. It is never enough. When I was young, I swore that I would change this world. I have done my utmost with the opportunities that I was given, which are not many.

A: Do you believe that you have changed the world for the better?

S: Yes, I believe.

A: Regrets?

S: That there is not the war. And that I have not died a glorious death in the war.

A: Will there ever be a war?

S: I believe in the Revolution. Whatever anyone else thinks about it, no matter how vicious this world is, I believe in the Revolution. And I am always ready to fight. I am spoiling for a fight. Warrior destiny is the war. To create that spark that will burn the world. I am not alone. There are others.

A: How can you be a warrior if there is no war?

S: The war is all around us. The war for us. Look and you shall see. Take the scales off of your eyes. There is a system that the slaves to the state have made. It is the system of slavery because they cannot think beyond slavery. And I am no slave. I won’t bow my head to anyone but The Mother. There is no one fit to rule above me. That is what you call self-belief and self-respect. Only I am fit to govern myself. That is what this war is. Me against this world that would have me in chains and licking their boots. I am not a sycophant and a boot licker. It is better to live with nothing than to be someone’s slave. I live the life of a king. That is why I am the man of destiny.

ego and acceptance (microfiction)

25.11.2025

S: When someone returns your affection, you feel like the king of the world.

A: You feel like that anyway. You have a big ego.

S: You know me. And you are right. But it is different when someone likes you. Because then you feel even more like the king of the world.

A: Plenty of them like you.

S: It doesn’t matter if someone likes me or not. Because they do not act upon it. They do nothing. They let me do nothing. And therefore, it did not and does not count. What counts is action in love. Just as in war.

A: How do you know they like you if they do nothing about it?

S: That is exactly my point.

A: Clarify for me.

S: Romance is a guessing game. Do they like me? How much do they like me? What do I mean to them? We keep on looking for the signs in other people. But the real sign is how much they are willing to make time for you. That is what it comes down to. When people make time for you and want to meet you, to have you to themselves. When even if things are difficult, they make it happen. That proves that they love you and care about you.

A: That is the only proof you would have?

S: What else is there? Just receiving a look of like cannot give you satisfaction. It is not like holding someone in your arms. Just hearing the words that indicate that someone likes you, it doesn’t satisfy you. You have to be able to feel that something real is happening. And it feels real when you are there, looking into their eyes, touching them, whispering sweet nothings to them.

A: Your ego relies on acceptance?

S: When I was rejected, I wanted to die. I am not exaggerating.

A: Well now that you have been accepted, you should want to live. So live.

S: Life has embraced me now. She wears a flower in her hair and she dances with abandon. I follow her through the fields of summer. All the while, the chill winter wind blows. But when I am with her, I do not feel it.

touch as waves of energy (microfiction)

24.11.2025

S: You know, there is this electric magnetic force in the fingers.

A: How so?

S: When someone runs their fingers ever so delicately across your skin, barely touching you, when they caress you with the lightest of touches, all the sparks in your body start flying.

A: Like a tickle?

S: It is a lover’s tickle. And it sends shivers all through you as the electric magnetic force multiplies in your body.

A: They often call love magnetism.

S: I see touch as waves of energy that emanate from the body of the loved one into the recesses of the self. As energy combines and reawakens within.

A: So what do you touch when you touch the lover?

S: You touch life itself. I feel the force of life within them. When I clasp them towards me, I feel life. When I kiss them on their soft neck, their full lips, their plump cheeks, I feel life itself. The thing itself. I have hungered for it.

A: Love is life?

S: Love is life. Love is death. There are highs and there are lows. Ecstatic highs and awful lows. But always, we hope to feel life itself. I bite at their cheeks. That is life. I gulp at their throat. That is life. I kiss their hair. That is also life.

A: You want to live so bad?

S: The dead hunger to live. I was all dead.

A: You? There is no man more active.

S: I was at the bottom of a well. And instead of helping me, they threw buckets of cold water over me. It was the well of death. The angel flew overhead. She did not even look at me…

A: You have clambered out of the well now. Drink the water and move on.

those that break hearts (microfiction)

21.11.2025

S: There is this Hindi film. I forget the entire story, but there is a break up between two couples. Because they are cheating with their friend’s partner. And then the ones that have been rejected, that have been cheated on, they form a couple of their own.

A: You and your films. Why remember this story?

S: When you are rejected, you feel pain. It is like a hammer at your brain. It chisels away at you. You feel sick. You are sick. It is a struggle to get through things. All your dreams come crashing down all around you. You do not want to live any more. You don’t want to live without them. That is what they had to go through.

A: And? It happens. It is life.

S: It is life. You can’t trust anyone. Because most are not capable of love.

A: It is a bit of a jump to say that you can’t trust anyone.

S: Every time, we say that. And then, after we trust them, they hurt us.

A: Forget the past. You just haven’t met a good person. Why this Indian film?

S: Because there are those that break hearts. Because, when they have been rejected and cheated on, this couple that tries to find solace in each other, they say that we will show them that we can live as well.

A: You want to show those that broke your heart that you can live as well?

S: You know, I had this daydream. That I would parade my partner in front of them, that I would show them. They were wrong. They are wrong. But it does not matter. They are living their lives and I am living my life. I do not talk to them. I do not interact with them. I am not going to talk to them. And I am not going to interact with them. They have shown me their real self. Whatever anyone thinks about them, I know how they treated me.

A: Everyone tells you that you are wrong to separate yourself from people like this.

S: It is all or nothing. Those that break your heart, they ask you to kill your love for them. They asked me to do something that was impossible and I had to do it. It is best to keep away from them. What will come of it otherwise? There is nothing. And I do not want nothing in my life. I want to live. And living means love.

medicine in the body (microfiction)

20.11.2025

‘You are looking considerably better’, remarked Alfonso, surveying me up and down. He was looking particularly dashing today too.

‘Was there any issue before?’ I asked him, raising my eyebrow archly.

‘You would not like the answer’, he grinned at me. ‘What is it do you think that is doing it for you?’

‘Having someone to hold.’

Alfonso smiled. ‘So, at last! But how is the holding doing so much?’

‘Before, I was wandering about this world, as lonely as a cloud on high. There was no love that was being offered to me. In fact, I was given refusal, disdain and rejection. Over and over again. Now, love is being offered to me and being taken from me in this hold.’

‘You think that love cures?’ asked Alfonso. ‘I heard that it is a sickness of itself.’

‘Holding someone is connection. What else do we search for in this life? We have it before we are born. We are in our mothers. After we are born, we stay close to our mother, skin upon skin. Looking into her eyes the whole time. Connection is our beginning and it is what forms our minds. That is why holding someone is medicine. Their body is medicine. The medicine of connection.’

‘Says the one that is healed.’

‘Jesus healed by laying his hands on others. Not by magic. But by touch.’

‘How does it feel, this healing?’

‘The ego is boosted. There is someone for me, someone that cares for me, someone that loves me, someone that holds me in this moment. There is someone against my skin that protects me from this cold and hard world. I feel secure, supported, greater than myself. I feel that now I am a true part of the human race.’

‘Someone to hold. A simple cure.’

‘The cure is simple. But to get someone to hold? It is not simple. It is fiendishly complicated. But we will not go into that. There are those that object to the truth because it is not in their interest and does not serve their agenda. And we live in the cancel culture. Instead, I will enjoy the cure.’

the drunken gait of love (microfiction)

19.11.2025

S: One in love moves as though drunk.

A: A cliche. They are always saying that love is like being drunk or being high.

S: Sometimes a cliche has some truth to it.

A: Do you believe?

S: That love is like drunkenness? Would you have me elaborate on the drunken gait of love?

A: Go on then.

S: Reason flies out of the window. They might have a thousand faults. Yet you love them. So they say that love is blind. Reason could be seen as sobriety. So sobriety goes out of the window.

A: And then?

S: You need more? Happiness, the happiness that comes when you are drunk. When you forget this miserable world. You drown your sorrows. That is the drunken gait of love too.

A: You are saying that you cannot have happiness without intoxication, either that of drink or love?

S: How else can you be happy?

A: Why else do you say there is this drunken gait of love?

S: If love is a journey, it is conducted as though one were a drunk. You meander here and there. It is impossible to move in a straight line. You go somewhere, you cannot leave that place. You are stuck. What else is it if not a drunken gait?

A: You told me that you disapprove of drink. Do you then disapprove of love?

S: I disapprove of what masquerades as love when it is not love. A love that comes from fascism, control, convention and conformity. Not to mention its other undesirable attributes, which I won’t, so as not to get myself into any trouble.

A: People must learn to love from somewhere.

S: Do you know why they despise love marriages in India? Because they are not based on reason. They are based on temporary emotion. Reason is more enduring than a moment of passion. Reason is more enduring than drunkenness. And it is better for society to work on reason.

A: Who has ever followed reason? Whose reason? What reason?

S: You speak to one that does not follow reason in love. That has the drunken gait of love. That chose what his heart said. Instead of thinking they are different, I thought that I loved them. Instead of thinking that it would not work, I thought that I loved them. Instead of thinking that society was against me, I thought that I loved them. And that love would do and be everything. If there is one drunk in love, it is me. Them, with their practicalities, they are what kill the lover. Them, with their reason, they are what kill the lover. Them, with their sobriety, they are what kill the lover. I would rather be drunk. It is better to leave this life than to leave the drink of love.

holding hands (microfiction)

16.11.2025

S: When I got into the station, a young hooligan pushed the gates to get free entry. Then, when I came home from London, again at the same station, I watched someone push through those same gates to get out. The workers there did nothing to stop it both times.

A: I feel like this is not over yet.

S: When the bus was pulling out of the station, it had to stop. Some idiot had parked his car in the bus lane so that we couldn’t squeeze past.

A: Why focus on these things?

S: I’m trying to tell you about the people that I live with in my area. What I have to live with.

A: Forget about that. Talk about something different.

S: Why do people hold hands?

A: To connect?

S: But how did it originate? Why grab someone’s hands?

A: It is the primary way that we touch, through our fingers and hands.

S: That might be one explanation. How about this for a theory? If you hold hands, you can never lose anyone. You are attached to them.

A: What makes you think that?

S: Over the past three years, with the brutal treatment that I received from those that I loved, when you suddenly snap apart and there is nothing any more, when before you thought you would have them forever… You need to hold hands to stop that happening. You need to be attached to someone.

A: Isn’t attachment just connection?

S: Attachment conveys more of an idea of sticking together.

A: How about this for an objection? When you hold hands, you don’t just hold hands. You also caress the hand and the fingers.

S: And how about this for a reply? When you caress, you are looking at more places to attach yourself to, to connect to, to love.

A: Well, I hope for you, you find many places to love.

S: What is this journey in life but finding those many places to love? And then loving in those places?