04.03.2026

A: Have you finished telling everyone off yet?

S: Not yet. And they need something more than telling off to learn their lesson.

A: I’ve told you not to start with that. What did you have for dinner? Salmon with boiled vegetables and potatoes. Trump that.

S: Food is not a competition, whatever this culture tells you.

A: Is that a way of saying that dinner did not come up to the mark?

S: Your dinner is not bad. But actually, I had Chicken Panang Curry, Thai Green Chicken and Rice Curry and a beautifully zingy lemon tart for dinner. Even though I was completely satiated, my mouth is watering just thinking of the meal again. The wonderful concoctions and genius of M and S.

A: What did you think of while you were eating?

S: How incredible it all was. I am a sensualist. And I had never eaten Chicken Panang curry before.

A: A top meal. What are your other favourites again?

S: Chicken Shish kebabs, Doner Kebab, Special fried rice, Chicken in black bean sauce, Roast lamb, Pigs in blankets, Chicken Tikka Masala, Chicken biryani, Mutton curry, flame grilled burgers, Kentucky fried chicken, southern fried chicken fillet burgers, curried salmon, fish and chips, Fried aubergine curry, soured yoghurt with dumplings, chocolates of various descriptions, Turkish delight…

A: Whoa there! I didn’t ask you to list every single food ever invented.

S: I told you that I am a sensualist. I enjoy my food more than most.

A: With that thin stomach no one would ever know how much you ate.

S: I have a theory about that.

A: Pray tell.

S: You know I am a genius? My brain is massive. And the brain consumes most of the energy in the body to keep it going. Hence why I eat double or triple what other people eat. And it is all just burnt up.

A: It is just a theory.

S: I think I’ve told you before. When I was born, the nurses couldn’t believe how much milk I was drinking. They’d never seen a new born baby drinking that much milk. I’m naturally intelligent. I don’t have to work hard at things that I’m interested in.

A: Milk for the egotist.

S: I told you that I eat like a king.

A: You are proud of that?

S: You can’t tell? It is a source of great satisfaction. Whatever else happens in this world, I am always eating like a king. Whatever I want. Whenever I want. However much I want. Who else can say that?