Farthing Downs and Happy Valley – 27.03.2026

39,000 steps/17.31 miles (equivalent to 66.6 circuits of a soccer pitch)

Birds seen: parakeets, crows, possibly a raven, blue tits, pigeons, goldfinch, starlings

Highlights

The Flint Game

Strewn about all over this area, there were pieces of flint. We are hypothesising that the area might have been a major hub for prehistoric man. We were talking about the craftsmanship required to make the flints into weapons and then, suddenly, I had the idea that we should each of us have a go at doing it.

So my friend and I picked up two pieces of flint, one piece smaller and one piece larger and we placed the smaller piece onto a piece of flint that was embedded in the ground. Then, we struck at the corners and edges of the smaller piece of flint with the bigger. Unlike in cinema, there were no sparks. We were both wearing our glasses as eye protection. My friend went first and he struck out a piece quite quickly. I put it into my pocket and felt it. It was incredibly sharp. I did my piece next. It took a few goes to get going as I wasn’t firmly onto the embedded flint bed but then a satisfying sharp tooth came off. We had both reconnected with our prehistoric past. I kept both the pieces and now they are on my bookshelf in my bedroom. A reminder of what? Our ancestry? The trip? Friendship?

The Chaldon Doom Painting

After getting slightly lost, we entered Chaldon Church which was a pretty construction to do the art part of our walk. We were going to see the Chaldon Doom painting. This had been created by a monk that fancied himself as an artist and was about the sins, a bit like Hieronymous Bosch’s masterpiece, ‘The Garden of Earthly Delights’.

As we entered, we came across two friends, R. and A. One was a young woman with dyed blonde hair who was the very picture of silence. The other was a stout man with black hair that chatted to us amiably about the mural because he was a local. His first words to me was that we are all a part of god so that we are all gods, a statement fit for a church. He had watched a video on YouTube about it and chatted to my friend about what he knew while I studiously read the labelled diagram of the mural and read the extended curator label about it.

The mural was reddish and quite ugly, although interesting to look at at the same time. The church was not particularly impressive but it was a novel experience to go to look at art and actually find a stranger that you could talk to about it. It never happens in London.

The View from Farthing Down

At the top of Farthing Down, there was this stone compass which pointed out all of the things on the wonderful view that you could get from this vantage point. We were looking at the mast for Crystal Palace, at Canary Wharf and also trying to see what else we could get our eyes onto. After you struggle up a hill, the view is the reward. And the rest and the sense of accomplishment that goes with it.

The Hive Garden in Coulsdon South Library

Noticing that there was a library around when we got into Coulsdon South, we decided to go in and check out the Ordinance Survey maps for our walk. Then, when we circled back to it to get on track onto our walk and were walking past, I noticed a charming little garden to its side. It was a delightful little construction, with little statuettes of fairies strewn about for the children. There was a wonderful yellow bench and it was wondderfully organised. Such a pleasant place for reading in the summer. We only spent a few minutes there but it was a lovely experience.

The Beauty of the Woods

We walked past decaying logs overlaid with green, green moss, past Yew trees and also delightful looking fungal growths on the ground. It was much warmer in the woods than in the outside world and also there was no rain like there was in the exposed elements. It was the usual but always relaxing and soothing immersion in nature. The birdsong was particularly beautiful, incredibly loud too. Like a concert that nature had put on for us specially.

Coffee in the morning

When we were drinking in Caffe Nero, we had a conversation with the Irish barrista. It turned out that the owner of the cafe was actually a Londoner and that he had only gone to Milan for university.

The Museum in the Pub

When we stopped for a drink at about two o’clock, the table where we sat in the pub had a framed document from the king at the end of the war, thanking the schoolchildren for their share in the hardship and struggles of the war. It told the children that they were worthy members of the sacrifices and the grit of the nation. This was an insight into that momentous time and the lives of the schoolchildren who lived then.

the worship of anger and the master of the field

27.03.2026

S: Recently, Imran Khan, a failed actor with no good films of his own and, really, a non-entity in Hindi film who was there because of his famous uncle, criticised Ranveer Singh, the hero of Dhurandhar 2 (‘The Master of the Field’). Khan said that he didn’t want to do any films portraying an angry man and this version of masculinity.

A: Thoughts? Are we preparing for another diatribe?

S: The thought is that we get all these people that are against anger. It is their culture. They want to kill anger. They think they are better than other people because they don’t have anger. They act like anger is a false emotion. In fact, anger is the most real of the emotions.

A: Proof?

S: Look at the Christian idea that you should turn the other cheek. And I remember reading a summary of a book that said the ancient writers all talked about expelling anger from the collective psyche. There is a conspiracy against anger.

A: People do not worship anger like you do.

S: I do worship anger. I worship the Dark Mother, Maa Kaali. Whose bloodlust is uncontrollable.

A: Why?

S: Do you know why The Mother has four arms? Because she is strength personified. Anger gives you energy. In the film that Imran Khan mocked, Ranveer Singh (a fellow Punjabi) says that not everyone can attain revenge. For revenge you have to have courage and energy. That’s what the film says. It is anger that gives you energy.

A: Proof?

S: Look at me. I am motivated by rage. Absolute rage. A rage that is unthinkable in this society. I got up after three or so years of debilitating illness because the Mother Goddess, Maa Kaali came to me. To get my revenge. I do seven paid jobs, more volunteering work on top of that, university study, a girlfriend, family commitments including mentoring and teaching my nephew. It is driven by absolute rage. The energy of anger. The energy of the Revolutionary.

A: You are Dhurandhar? The Master of the Field?

S: If it is not the Punjabi Tiger, who is it then? Certainly not Imran Khan. He can go back to his non-existence as an actor. India has rejected him. Me? They have accepted. I am their hero.

the days of great sadness

25.03.2026

We had just finished some ice cream topped with chocolate buds, chocolate sweets and then both chocolate and raspberry sauce. Alfonso shone with the shine of a satiated stomach. I was telling him about Dhurandar 2 (The Brave Hero 2), which I had watched last night.

‘The film finished at about quarter past midnight.’

‘What time did you get home?’

‘Almost one. I went to sleep at about half past one in the morning.’

‘Why do you watch these action films? It is just violence and revenge.’

‘You are wrong. They are about honour. They are about protecting the family. They are about the duty of being a man and a hero, about attaining your revenge. They are about sacrifice and true grit. They are about energy and power. They are the films that relay our culture, the warrior culture. The hero is Punjabi. It is always about us. We are the superheroes of India and this world.’

‘Well I hope you indulged your bloodlust. You are going about London doing everything there is to do in this city. I hope you are happy.’

‘I have met my girlfriend many times recently. But despite this happiness, these are the days of absolute sadness. The days of great sadness. We look at his world. This wretched world. The real peace and happiness would be in death. This struggle that has gone on forever, this struggle for status and honour, for a just reward, for true diversity and equality, for the community, this endless striving. Then and finally then, it would be over. It is the days of death. We remember the ones that have died, our most beloved.’

‘And what philosophy is there to counter sadness?’

‘There is nothing that can counter sadness. There is nothing that can counter the suffering that The Oppressed have to face in this world. We fight our hardest against a cowardly and dishonourable foe. The whole world is our enemy.’

‘One man cannot fight the entire world.’

‘From birth, you contend with the fairness of the allocation of resources. Milk, love, food, money, recognition, power and status. If I had ever been content with the share that I received, that we have received, then I would lay down my arms. Then I would forget my sadness, our sadness. But this resource allocation has always been unfair. It is unfair. And therefore, The Tiger bares his teeth. He shows his claws. In the essence of The Tiger there is this great gaping wound, sadness.’

‘You who have chased every happiness, you have everything noble and great in this world, everything, how can you be sad? You are the most fortunate. You are the one they envy. Hindu philosophy says sadness and happiness are unreal. Emotion is a cloud.

‘Humne apnein shakaal ke dorh dikhai gaheen aini ke gum mein

Chahein hai humnein uske tudkhrein ekh mudat sein’.

‘We have seen the run of our shape in the sadness of the mirror

We have wanted its shards for an age’.

the masala film

24.03.2026

S: Have you heard of this phrase, the masala film? The spice film.

A: What does it mean?

S: This film has everything in it. Tragedy, melodrama, comedy, action, music, dance and songs. It has been the typical Indian film.

A: How can something be everything?

S: This is an Indian tradition. It is also said that The Mahabharata, the ancient Indian epic, that it also has everything in it.

A: Why everything? How can you bear it?

S: It is the temperament of India. Instead of narrow focus, everything is included. Instead of discrete categories, we have an overlap. We are alive with all life’s richness and nuance. They fight. We clap. They love. We laugh. They cry. We are sad.

A: And your writing?

S: It is also limitless rather than limited. It is also wide rather than narrow. It is also life and not shrinking. There is more and more, never less.

A: This pride in India, can it be justified?

S: Yes. Not the state, which we hate. But the people, the spirit of the Indian artist. The one that is the true Indian, the philosopher, the lover and the poet. No one knows the oppression but us the people that have been oppressed. Yet still, there is the love of freedom which is the mark of freedom, the connection with life and the cosmos. The more of India.

the one against the many

23.03.2026

S: The same scene has replayed many times.

A: What?

S: It has been me against everyone. The one against the many. Work, study, family, the street, politics.

A: Why?

S: Genius stands alone against this world. The Tiger is a solitary creature. That is why he is the king of the jungle.

A: What gives you the courage to stand alone?

S: Have you heard this Punjabi word ‘akarh’? It means ‘front’. I have enough front to stand alone. More than enough. I never get scared.

A: Why don’t you ever get scared?

S: What can anyone do to me? I am The Tiger. I am invincible. I am power. I am strength. I am spirit. I am the ego and the splendour of Punjab. They pray to be like me, for me to come into the world. The People, they pray. The Mother, she prays. I am here. I can take on the world.

A: How?

S: Because I have the power to bear suffering. Because the hand of The Mother is upon my head. They have been trying to kill me from before I was born but I still stand. God walks the world. The real individual. The real man. The champion of The Oppressed. The man that has not only courage but its reward, honour.

the attempt to make life beautiful

22.03.2026

A: You are always telling me that you are trying to make life beautiful.

S: I do make life beautiful. Today, I had a wonderful day.

A: Why?

S: I work at the most beautiful places in the world, the most fascinating, the most interesting. However, I will not talk about work. I will talk about what I did outside of work.

A: What did you do?

S: In the first break in the morning, I shopped at the local Oxfam Charity Bookshop. I bought several books, including those on typography, writings from women travellers and also an exquisite little tome on gardens.

A: Then, at lunch?

S: I went down to the National Maritime Museum and went through the Astronomy Photographer of the Year exhibition. I had a wonderful time immersed in space, nebulae and the planets. I was travelling there. I saw a beautiful video about a couple that went on an adventure to photograph the Northern Lights, such a nice and kind woman, such an aid to the photographer. It was heartwarming.

A: The next thing?

S: Another break and this time I went aboard The Cutty Sark to gaze at the views around me on a boat. Followed by a cheap snack at Macdonald’s.

A: Then after work?

S: A visit to Canary Wharf to look over the buildings and the waterfront. Then a shopping expedition to Marks and Spencer’s where I picked up some wonderful dessert and tomorrow’s lunch, Thai Red Curry and Sweet and Sour Chicken. I then ambled about in the park at Canary Wharf where I sat amidst the cherry blossoms and camelias, having a conversation on the phone with my girlfriend.

A: Then when you got home?

S: I had a feast for dinner. It was chicken and spinach curry with freshly prepared chapattis. The salad was wonderful: tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce of two descriptions, red onions and a special favourite – mooli (parsnips) with garam masala. This was also washed down with 100% lychee juice and a glass of water. For dessert, I had an M & S trifle of peach, pears and pineapple.

A: To end the night?

S: Duty, my friend. There is always duty. I sat with my mother while she watched a video of an Indian wedding for a few minutes. Then, I wrote a newspaper article for the charity that I work on, a newspaper article about Punjab, the home of my people. While listening to world music instrumentals on Spotify.

A: You pack in a lot.

S: My energy and my curiosity, my greed for life, all of these are boundless. I want to live a full life and I do. It is the life I dreamed of. The life of an intellectual, the life of a lover, the life of an artist.

A: To finish the night?

S: The girlfriend again. A hot shower. Perhaps some reading. This mind needs fuel and love.

consequence is of no consequence

21.03.2026

‘There is a type of rage,’ I was telling Alfonso slowly and deliberately, ‘that keeps on growing and growing. You cannot vanquish it. It is the growth of rejection.’

‘You have it. I can see,’ answered Alfonso. He was dressed, as per usual, immaculately. He had a beautiful green blazer on that reminded me of the two colours that the Koreans called green. With a purple jumper and a yellow tie. My handsome, handsome friend. His face was alive with energy, with the radiance of the sun.

‘Indeed, I do,’ I answered. ‘Yes, I sit there thinking to myself that they denied me a place at Cambridge because of the colour of my skin when I actually passed the interview. Then, they denied me top jobs and put me on the reserve list when I had passed the interviews because of the colour of my skin. They denied me what I deserved, what I was owed. They have tried to keep me down. It is because of them that I do not have children and a family right now.’

‘All you can think of,’ said Alfonso sharply, ‘is your revenge. That is all there is with you.’

‘Why deny anger?’ I shrugged my shoulders. ‘As I said, the anger is getting worse and not better. And this anger is not merely for myself. Because that would be selfish. This anger is for the community. For the past, the present and the future. Besides which,’ I continued, ‘this anger has been forged over thousands of years for the oppressed. It is the anger of the whole people. No one can match this anger.’

‘This society that you accuse of racism and oppression,’ asked Alfonso, ‘how comes you have prospered in it?’

‘Because of my family that looked after me,’ I said. ‘Because I worked every hour under the sun doing work that is not on my level. With this work ethic and this energy, no one can keep me down. I am richer than all of them.’

‘How can you accuse them of being racist when all of your nearest outside of the family are from the dominant culture?’

‘Not everyone is a racist. There are those that give acceptance and even love. If a culture is racist, it does not mean that everyone follows the culture. Look at me. I don’t follow it.’

‘How do you know you are not a racist?’

‘Because, as you have just said, all of the nearest and dearest outside my family are from the dominant culture. Unlike the racists in this society, I don’t say one thing and then do another. I do as I say. I practise what I preach. Harmony. Integration across cultures. Inclusivity and diversity. While I respect and value my own background, I am more than willing to accept and befriend others, to be their lover.’

‘You criticise this culture.’

‘So what? I am British. I can criticise as I please. Who is going to stop me? The ones that can’t take my criticism are the racists, because they know that I have brown skin and they would silence me. You can’t silence the truth. This is a culture of cowardice, hate and lies, of mindless conformity and oppression and greed.’

‘Still you say it. Despite being hated for it.’

‘No one can stop me. Because it is the truth.’

‘There are consequences to speech.’

‘Consequence is of no consequence. I am not a yes man or a sycophant or a coward like many in this society. We do not have to live like this and it is not the right way to live. The real value of life is connection, diversity and inclusion. The real value of life is love. Not hate and lies and cowardice. The real value of life is to make friends with difference. To embrace difference with open arms. To learn from everyone. Openness, equality and respect.’

‘You have a narrow view of this society.’

‘As I have said before, look at the leaders of this culture. Are you satisfied with this? Are you satisfied with the garbage that they spout? Are you satisfied with how they burn the world with their greed, how they kill the innocent with impunity, how they coerce their people to follow them with corrupt taxes and corrupt lies? And then, you look at their bias and prejudice in work and even in love.’

‘What bias in work?’

‘You want statistics? One in four young people have reported that their ethnicity is a barrier to progression in their career. There are more ethnic minority workers in insecure jobs. About 12% of ethnic minority workers have been denied promotions based on their ethnicity. We are unfairly disciplined and seen with suspicion at work. Because of our foreign names, we are less likely to be invited to the interview in the first place. About 88% of employees believe racism exists in their workplaces, and three-quarters believe racism is a problem, suggesting little progress over the past few years.This list goes on and on.’

‘You agree.’

‘Yes.’

I passed over a small coconut chocolate sweet to Alfonso and we chewed these little treats together in silent companionship. There was always much to say. And very little time to say it. But we would say it.

the unfairness of fighting for honour

21.03.2026

S: It is an unfair fight, the fight for honour.

A: In what sense?

S: If your skin colour is right and you are part of the dominant culture, you are automatically accorded honour and respect. If you are in any way different, then you are not. Instead, what you get is suspicion and disrespect. It is us that have to fight for honour. They get honour and acceptance no matter how bad their behaviour is, how contemptible they are.

A: Why not accept the unfairness of this world?

S: To be like them is to live a life of sin.

A: Why live in hell? Why fight this losing battle?

S: It is destiny. I have been named after the hero that saves Mother India’s honour. We come from the honour society. It is more precious than life.

A: Fight in this unfair fight then.

S: They have made it us against them. This war of the spirit. But our spirit is greater. We are the victors whatever happens because we fight the good fight. We are just and we have honour. They do not. We have big hearts and big spirits. They do not. We will never lose. It is us against them.

A: Whatever your virtue, there is no reward.

S: You cannot buy the good. You cannot buy the hero. You cannot buy The Tiger.

A: Is it enough to be The Tiger?

S: In the Hindi film Gadar 2, the hero says that to know him, ask his enemies who he is. The Tiger is what this world fears. Because The Tiger is absolute power. The hand of the Mother Goddess, The Warrior Queen, it is upon his head. Her son and her lover.

the bad leader

20.03.2026

S: Around you, there are those that think they are leaders.

A: You don’t accept them?

S: No. Because they do not represent the people. They are cheap and mean.

A: You think they are bad leaders?

S: Yes. They are greed. They are misers. They are not inclusive or nurturing. They are deaf and blind. And on top of that, they are arrogant.

A: Anything further?

S: They put the worst in front and the last on top.

A: You that don’t accept, still you must follow.

S: When you make enemies with The Tiger, he does not forget fulfilling the relationship.

A: There is nothing you can do.

S: You merely wait and watch for the opportunity for revenge.

A: How long for?

S: How long can you long for it? This fire is unquenchable. This is a fire that does not forget.

A: Retire from the field. It is not worth it. They always win.

S: Because they operate on lies, cheating and dishonour they win. That is not real victory.

the flattery of the echo

17.03.2026

S: Recently, someone used the exact phrase that I used to describe something in a private communication when they were making a more public announcement.

A: Out of all the private messages that she got, she used your words?

S: Yes, my praise must have pleased her.

A: So she echoed you?

S: It was the flattery of the echo.

A: Analysis?

S: It could be a number of things. First of all, I am a writer. She might have thought it was the phrase that was the most apt. Perhaps when she was going ahead to write something that was semi-public to the small group, she wanted to model herself on a writer.

A: Perhaps.

S: But you also have to remember the relationship. She knew that I would know that she had echoed my phrase. After all, I wrote it. She was communicating to me that she was echoing my phrase.

A: For what reason?

S: Mirroring is a form of sociability, so is echoing. She was establishing a community between me and herself in the semi-public realm of this small group as she wrote to everyone. A community based on a written message.

A: Any other speculations?

S: There is a suggestion of emotion. I talked about my emotions in this phrase, about how I enjoyed something and how I would remember it. And she herself must have mirrored my emotions, enjoying my praise and remembering it.

A: You are a striking man. Some people are impressed by you.

S: That is exactly the right word, ‘impress’. Because I stamped myself onto her. Change in the world is driven by our influence on others and I can shape those around me.

A: Enough of this ego. Let’s get on with life.

S: Yes. I have a big assignment due in for university. There is never any time for anything but study and work. And yet, life happens and I live life too. Genius demands.